I have been out of touch Dear Readers. I have had a full mind and heavy heart , leaving me with a lot to write about but unsure where to begin. Different for me, if you have had the pleasure of my company you know…………… I am chatty! However, at times when the heart is heavy the words become stuck. This has become the case.
Thus, I was glad to learn from my friend Kathy over at Bereaved and Blessed it was for Time Warp Tuesday. Just the motivation I needed. Kathy invites us to visit an old post, reflect on “where” we were when we first wrote it and “where” we are now, in our thoughts or on whatever “journey” we may be taking. The subject this months is “gifts.” Very apropos as Christmas calls us to be in the “Spirit of Giving.” Easier said than done with a grieving heart sometimes stuck in “wishing” and “hoping” for what “no longer is” or “never will be.”
I chose a post from last September. We were fast approaching the One Year Anniversary of losing Sweet Madeline and the weight of the grief was suffocating. Adding to the weight was watching her brother’s grieve and try to comprehend the unthinkable loss of their baby sister. The Big Brother quite simply adored Madeline and was literally in her face at any opportunity. Sneaking any chance to be cheek to cheek. Not knowing what the future held I was quite often telling him to “please get out of her face, stay out of her room, let her rest.” Reader, as you probably guessed, The Big Brother NEVER DID listen.
As well, never did I dream this……………… his failure to listen …………….. could quite possibly be the best gift ever. I recount the day I received this gift in A Brother’s Love.
Welcome back……….I watched this again for the first time in a long time today. I am still, today, as touched by the gentle heart my now Really Big Boy still has!!!! I am even more grateful as I struggle through, without our Precious Girl, to have even just a moment preserved for a band aid for my heart. To catch just one of those rasberry kisses.
As a Mom, I am on that poor boy all the time to just listen!! Possibly, I should have learned my lesson with “Madeline’s Moments.” What a treasure to have a non-listening child sneak in to video his “irresistable” Baby Sister sleeping. To have this “gift” to watch these moments and feel completely transported to that moment when our Precious Girl lay sleeping in the next room and feel for just a “moment” that I could quite possibly just reach through and kiss and hug that Sweet, Sweet Baby. And just for a moment I quite possibly felt her touch and inhaled her sweet perfume…………….a gift………….no amount of money could ever buy.