In honor of Swim Suit season I thought I would begin a tradition…………Welll, at least do it TWO YEARS IN A ROW. I am considering this my public service announcement. If you think about some of the SIGHTS you can see at your local pool, lake, beach, etc (ME included) readers take heed, share the “Word” with you friends and family. After all,FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDSmake public appearances in “Ill-fitting” swim wear. Let this “Poor Woman’s” encounter with Johnny be the quiet voice in your head when selecting the “Perfect Bikini” for yoursummer fun!
Charles Schultz has Classic Peanuts…………….because you cannot watch Lucy bully Charlie too many times. However Readers, we have ULTIMATE JOHNNY…………..Because some stories JUST need to be RE-TOLD AND PASSED ON. ENJOY AND SPREAD THE MESSAGE!
(Originally posted May 20, 2011)
Aaahh, it’s that time of year. The weather is warm, you’re trading in your boots for flip flops and your sweater and jacket for YES, THAT’S RIGHT, the swimsuit. I know, most of us hate it, we avoid it, but if you are a parent of a young child you suck it up, put on brave front and make the dreaded public appearance in your bathing suit. This can be a traumatizing enough experience, I know. But as a public service announcement, I feel I must share with you the following story. Think of it as a cautionary tale when selecting the bathing suit most suitable for your (clearing throat) weelll, shall we say, body type.
A couple of summers ago we were still living in San Diego. At the time our options for swimming were the beach (fun, yes, relaxing with my boys, NOT) or a personal invite to a pool. We snagged an invite to my friend’s pool at her condo. At the time I was big and pregnant with Baby Girl so I was relaxing at the side of the pool. All of my boys are great swimmers so they were all over the place. Johnny is an underwater guy. I was watching him swim when I saw him swim up to a fuller size “lady.” Johnny comes across as charming, at first, so she began chatting with him. My radar started to activate as I noticed him getting closer and closer to the “ladies”. He a skin guy and she had a lot of it, so I could read his mind. I tried to jump up to stop the train wreck but at 9 mos. pregnant, it was not happening.
Me: Johnny, come over here.
Johnny: No response. He is busy chatting, touching her arms and pointing to something on her face.
Me: Come on, Johnny, let her alone so she can relax.
Johnny: No, Mommy, wait! (voice getting very excited) Come here! I think I just found the UGLIEST woman in the world!
Me: At a complete loss with nowhere to hide. I was, after all, wearing a bright yellow maternity bathing suit top and I wasn’t going to be able to run! But I swaggered over as quickly as possible.
Me: That is not a nice thing to say, Johnny.
Johnny: Oh, no, Mommy wait! Never mind, I think it’s a MAN.
Our pool opens this weekend. I already have my cover up, do you?