Opening Day

Soooo, my plan, or should I say deep desire, to fly under the radar has failed yet again.  My fatal error?  Going to the pool on opening day.   Yeeep, first day out and already we need to move.   As always, it SEEMED like such great idea.   Let the boys cool off after a hot day of soccer and baseball.  I had visions of lying poolside with my People magazine, rekindling those pool friendships.

It started out idealic enough.  Set the meeting place, distributed goggles and went over some ground rules (or so I thought).  Then Johnny noticed the diving board.  He noticed his Little Brother going off the diving board.   He, of course, wanted to go off the diving board.  I told him he had to wait till he had his swim lesson and his brother had already had his.  With an, “OK Mommy, I thought I was golden. 

I was reading my magazine when Johnny comes up panting:

Johnny:  Mommy, the lifeguard saw me swim and said I could jump off the board.

Me:  I don’t care what she said, I have to see you swim first.

Johnny:  (Bellowing)  Hey!  Mr. Lifeguard my Mommy isn’t going to let me go off the board!!

And yes said worker did not receive my previous public service announcement.  Because, yoooouuu got it, Mr. Lifeguard was in fact Ms. Lifeguard.

Me:  The lifeguard is a girl.

Johnny:  Oh.

Thinking I dodged the bullet without tooo much of a scene I went back to my chair.  A few minutes later:

Johnny:  Mommy, I’m going to practice my swimming  now.

Me:  Thaats a GREAT  idea!

I then walked over thinking happily, this is going to be perfect, just what he needs for some good exercise. 

I watch him swim and yell some good coaching techniques I learned from the Swim Team Coaches.  Letting my guard down (no pun intended) I didn’t realize I was under the guard chair.  

Johnny then swam  back toward me and the lifeguard.

Johnny:  PHEW!  Did you see Mommy?

Me:  I’m so proud of you.  That was great swimming.

Johnny:  Now the water feels warmer.

Me:  That’s because you swam so good, got good exercise so your body feels warmed up!

Johnny:  Nooooooo, thaaats NOT why the water is warmer.

Me:  Standing very still bracing myself.  Wondering if it’s too late to say a Novena.

Johnny:  (With great pride in his voice) It’s because I just went NUMBER ONE in the water!  

I was STUNNED. …… I was SPEECHLESS…….. I was FROZEN to my spot!!  There was no way out.  The Guard heard everything.  Sooo, I swallowed my pride AND humility, yet again.  Turned, looked at the Guard and said, “I have nothing to say .”  

So much for under the radar.  Think we may need new identities.  I will start with a hat and a wig.  By the end of the summer I may need a new name and social. 

I mean, we still have a whole summer, and all of this was in 1 HOUR!


Filed under Johnny P

5 responses to “Opening Day

  1. Nita Cruea

    Johnny always tells it how it is, no beating around the bush.

  2. Carol

    I’m just dying laughing Amy! You did the right thing, what else could you say?!

  3. Kelly Lippincott Maggert

    Amy, I wish we lived closer so we could hang out, it would be a blast. Johnny sounds like a Hoot!! Take Care.

  4. Jeanne

    Maybe if you have this in the first hour the rest of the summer is a breeze! There is a reason why you have a wonderful, beautiful smile….keep smilin. I’m sure the Mr or Ms Lifeguard had a smile on too.

  5. Ah, Johnny, you make me laugh ’til I cry, kiddo…..

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