With some trepidation, I decided…………or was coerced…….. into taking the boys on another road trip to the Midwest. This time to the great State of Ohio. I was just recovering from the 13 HOUR solo drive home from Chicago when we loaded the OL DODGE GRAND CARAVAN back up and headed West on Interstate 70.
I got the low flying headliner replaced in the van the day before we left….. so…… I was feeling pretty HIGH CLASS not to mention my shiny new windshield!
On the last drive to the Midwest we were about 3 HOURS into the trip when the AC went out. That was followed by 10 HOURS of Johnny bellowing: HEY, CLOSE THE WINDOWS, WHY DON’T YA, I CAN’T HEAR MY VIDEO!!! And 24 HOURS into the stay at Grandma O’s house Little Brother was in a cast past his elbow!
Begs the question, why the h**l do I even leave my HOUSE?! Because my DADDY didn’t raise a Quitter!!!!! That, and I could probably use a check up from the neck up!
So………. I naively thought…….once again…….there I go thinking………that this trip would be smooth sailing. And I was feeling full of myself………..what, with my re-decorated interior and all. That was until about TWO MINUTES into the 8 HOUR drive the windshield wipers IMPLODED, EXPLODED…..I don’t even know how to describe it……best described by the man who replaced them at 7 a.m. ……..as previously being put on upside down, inside out or something like that. But once fixed, we were on our way!
And we arrived in Ohio about 8 hours later and the fun began. We were at GG’s House (my boys name for one of their Grandma’s) visiting and eating when just 2 HOURS into our arrival all of the sudden………with not even a storm in sight……..the POWER WENT OUT!!!!!!
One house, 8 KIDS, NO AC and 98 DEGREES equal ONE GOOD TIME!!!!!! Only Johnny can make this situation BETTER. Because no power equal NO T.V. equal one ticked kid. Being a compassionate and selfless young man, he began accusing his GG yelling: HEY, YOU FORGOT TO PAY YOUR ELECTRICITY BILL!!!!!! Not to be pushed around by my Johnny, she quickly responded, “Johnny, I know I paid my electric bill, I have it automatically deducted.” That provided no comfort to my Johnny so he said, “I’m outta here!”
And in the Battle of the Grandma’s, he promptly ran up to “Grandma M’s” house in search of T.V. Darn the luck, the power was out at her house to! And…… you guessed it………Johnny again began accusing yet another “Grandma” of “NOT PAYING YOUR BILLS.” In complete exasperation he screamed:
DOESN’T ANYONE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD PAY THEIR ELECTRIC BILL!!
Is this Elder Abuse?? I think this is why Johnny has heard more than once this week, “Good thing You’re Cute.” Or my favorite, “You’re something else, Johnny.” Hey, it’s NOT my first day on the job with these boys of mine…………..I can read between the lines………………I know what Grandma is saying…….and it is the following:
HEY KID, GET OFF MY CASE………I DON’T TAKE ANY C****P FROM A 10 YEAR OLD!!!!!!
Awwww come on, Grandma, admit it, you know it…….to know Johnny is to LOVE Johnny. Now, go pay your ELECTRIC BILL!!!