Myth Buster

Remember that saying, “the more you put into something, the more you will get out of it.?”  Weellllll, I have a theory about that.  Whoever “said” that, WAS NOT A PARENT.

All the “parenting experts” claim you do not want to be “your childs friend”, they need a parent NOT  a friend.  Which, by the way I tend to agree with.  HOWEVER, a little loving pat on the back and ATTA GIRL, MOMMY!  Would it really hurt anybody?  I think not.

My other belief is these are the people directly responsible for the “MYTH” that is the “family dinner.”  You know…………the one where we all sit down together, at the end of the day, share our fond memories for the day, our hopes, our dreams, and lovingly tell our mother how much we are enjoying our “home-cooked” meal.  YEAH…………….I thought so.  Let me set my dear readers straight on these myths, lest you are wondering why Norman Rockwell has not stopped over to “immortalize” your family in a painting.

"Family Dinner"

Sorry Mr. Rockwell couldn’t be here to capture “the moment”

The truth is, now listen carefully, I don’t want you to misinterpret what I am about to say……………………..THE LESS EFFORT YOU PUT INTO PARENTING, THE HAPPIER YOUR KIDS ARE!!  The one thing in my life I have knocked myself out to “do my best” and the “people” I’m working for, are all cranky about it.

You would know them anywhere………….they are the kids complaining that I cook all the time, make them read, spend our extra money on their education and (don’t tell CPS)………….I don’t let them have a TV in their bedroom.  Yep………….I’m your basic nightmare.

Our “Family Dinner” last night would “paint the picture” for you…………….

Grilled lemon chicken (marinated the FULL 24 hours, thank you), linguine, and a fresh seasonal veggie.  I know………….I thought it sounded good to.

This is what the Brothers thought………………….

Johnny – UUUUGGGGHHHHH, Chicken!!!!!!  ( I know, I got a lot of nerve).  Can’t I have a hotdog?  Do I have to eat the corn?

Me – No!!! Eat your chicken AND your corn.

Johnny begins eating with a look that says, I can’t believe THAT woman EVER got to take me home……….couldn’t those Dr.’s figure out how MEAN she was going to be.

Big Brother – He says nothing.  He just turned 13, he doesn’t really talk to me much right now anyway.  Just gave the basic turn of the nose, deep sigh and dug in like I had a C hanging in my kitchen from the Health Department.

Little Brother – Not so subtle……….WHAT???…..CHICKEN AGAIN!!!…………CAN I JUST HAVE SOMETHING ELSE?

Me – NO!!!!

Little Brother then begins to alternate between staring me down and shoving food on his fork with his fingers.

I quietly begin to question my sanity of planning a meal to sit and eat with THEM!  But………….I comfort myself with the importance of this time together.

They were quiet to,  HOWEVER,  I think they were thinking something else like…………………that WOMAN better sleep with one eye open, why can’t we  just eat CHICKEN NUGGETS………….this is the WORST………..wait till the authorities find out about HER!

A few moments later……………………..I begin to hear the familiar white noise, the noice that I notice right before I think my head is going to blow……………….and it goes like this…….

Johnny -Can I be excused now?

Me – NO!  We are all still eating.

Half second later

How about now?!

Me – NO, I said.

In chimes Big Brother with his words of wisdom – NO MEANS NO, DON’T YOU KNOW ANYTHING?!

Johnny – (Ready to fight) You don’t have to point out the OBVIOUS!!!!  JEEZZZ!

Quiet………….then from the other chair comes the Third Bear…..

Little Brother – (Oblivious) Mom, can I be excused?

Me – (counting to ten) NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  What did I just say?

One Mississippi, Two Mississipi…………….

Big Brother – Can I be get up now?

Uncle, I cry Uncle………………..NO!  Nobody is getting up, we are not all finished eating.  (Thinking)  You are going to sit here, in your seat, in the comfort of your central air, and eat your freshly prepared meal!!!!!  AND  you are going to do it WITH your Dear MaMa until she is finished eating CAUSE THAT’S WHAT “THEY” SAY MAKES FOR GOOD FAMILY TIME! AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE GOOOOOD FAMILY TIME.  This must be how my mom stayed so thin………….indigestion.

At this point, Johnny turns upside down in his chair with his head in his seat.  Where is Mr. Rockwell when you need him.

Yeah, I was done…………………

Me – That’s it Johnny….you are done!……..upstairs, no more TV, GO READ!!!

Little Brother – Yeah!  We can be excused!

And like that, I am left alone……………pondering how much freezer space I have to stock up on chicken nuggets and hot dogs.  How many of my cookbooks should I burn at once for the hot dog roast.  Most importantly…………….do I consign or E-Bay all of my ingredients to purchase the TV’s for their bedrooms?

NAAAAHHHHHH………………….what FUN would that be.  Guess no one has those GREAT family memories from in front of their TV dinner……………Sorry Boys!!!

Casserole recipe……………anyone? anyone?

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