Tag Archives: catholic humor

Cause I’m YOUR Mom…

...AND I SAID SO!

…AND I SAID SO!

Monday, Monday, Monday…What have you done for me lately? Except for that familiar feeling of screws being tightened really, really tight on either side of my head, I would have to say…NOTHING! But in all fairness, I don’t know who can claim the clamp on the screws, Monday or The Brothers.   They all are excellent handymen!  Very adept with the ol’ screwdriver, that’s for sure!

Depends on the Monday and which Brother, I suppose. Since everything is supposed to be all equal and no one EVER feeling left out I BLAME ALL OF THEM!!!! Cause that’s the kind of stand up Mom I am.

The screw began to turn slightly last night when Little Brother, wouldn’t stop his Irish jig and dropped my Kindle Fire HD on the ceramic tile…not a good combo;

Big Brother took his turn on the screws with the Science Fair project that won’t go away and Oh by the way, apparently points are deducted if you do ANYTHING other than the day before. Guess he’ll have an A Plus.

We’ll have plenty of time to discuss as he burns the midnight oil studying for a test he discovered at 9:00 p.m.  Guess penalties also apply for any early test preparation.  He’s really adding up some extra credit in the last minute, fly by the seat of my pants, make my mother scream category…I think that should be added to the grade card…then my boy can be creme de la creme.  Oh and Big Brother, thanks for that, that one screw was getting a little lose, so the tighter the better, I say.

And then there’s my Johnny, what would we do without my Johnny..I might just have to say he gave those screws on final, really tight go. Because we just can’t stay away…there we were… RELIGION Class!!!

I guess Johnny got wind of today’s events at the Vatican, because he tried to jump on the Pope’s Bandwagon to announce…”I want out of this program…I don’t think it’s my thing.”

Yeah, well, I DO…cause I didn’t schlepp you and your brothers to Mass every Sunday for nothing.  And I don’t really care what the Pope’s Mommy let him do, but as for me,  I still got some sacraments coming my way. So guess, what, Johnny? The Pope… he may be getting out, but YOU?…YOU’RE NOT!!!!

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Friday Fun with Farmer Brown

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Yay!!!  It’s Friday!  And contrary to what might be popular belief, we Stay at Home Moms, look forward to Friday like everyone else who is terribly underpaid for their service to others.  Except, unlike other workers, I am lucky…I receive sticky, smelly hugs, gluey art and a kiss (if I bribe them) from the Little Men who I work for.  In other work environments, I realize that is a lawsuit waiting to happen.  Guess that’s the benefit of my work.  The boys I work for would never sue, they know that they have traumatized  and inflicted more emotional pain and suffering, than the other way around.  Unless you, of course, consider the meatloaf I made for dinner last night.

For example, just in the last week, I have been informed by The Big Brother that he thinks the FBI is going to come and “get us”…why?  Weeellll, that’s what “the virus” on the computer told him when the warning came up about “downloading” let’s just say…inappropriate material.  Which lead to a very uncomfortable conversation about the “P” word, ends in… ography.  Having to have this discussion with Johnny is worth a couple of million in damages alone.

That fun event was only to be followed up by the Little Brother bringing smut into our Catholic home.  Yep…you guessed it…say it isn’t so…The Little Brother was busted reading, The Old Farmer’s Almanac.  Which, I (and “The Teacher” learned the hard way, IS NOT your Granpa’s Almanac.  Or maybe it is, and Ol’ Granpa had a Wild Side.  Because along with the weather report, The  Little Brother was able to learn about “improving life in the bedroom”  and certain “enhancing” pharmaceuticals.  Oh yeah, he could also order an Asian Bride.  And I will swear on a Bible that I did NOT make one word of this up.  I would bring out my witnesses but I promised to protect their identity.  She’s at Confession right now, anyway.

So…I think I can safely say…Bring on the Weekend!  Before I go though, it is time for Fun Friday Fill In with Hilary at Feeling Beachie.

This week’s statements:
1. I am a ____
2. Sometimes I don’t know when to ____
1. My two favorite words lately are ___________ and ____________
2. I would like ____________ if ____________ didn’t happen

Where do I begin?

1.  I am a very loyal person and friend.  I get very attached to those who have held me up during these last two years.

2.  Sometimes I don’t know when to say when.  This would be possibly why I have Three Boys and walk around like the house is on fire.

3.  My two favorite words lately are irritated and Almanac (come on, you saw that coming.)

4.  I would like to know what life would be like if my days didn’t happen to be a series of “Unfortunate Events” involving Farmers and the FBI.

That’s about it.  Have a drink on me and raise a toast to my “sanity.”  In the meantime I headed to  a local book burning of that Darned Almanac.

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Naked truth – Friday Fun

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It’s Friday!!  And you know what that means?  Well, for some of you free and easy types it might mean HAPPY HOUR!  For me, weeellll, it’s kind of just an extension of M,T,W and Thurs, except I don’t have to do the homework drill and I rarely cook.  Also, there is usually several back to back episodes of Lock-Up, so I got that going for me.

I did officially work today I subbed in second grade (more on that another time, stay tuned.).  So, I guess that entitles me to a little bit of the vino.  Or after teaching the phrase, “Clothe the Naked.”   A lot of vino.  Like I said last week, I don’t have a wimpy bone in my body.  That lesson proved it.

My point, really, is that today is Four Friday Fill In Fun  with Hilary at Feeling Beachie.  I had an epiphany while I was subbing today (and playing Hangman) and my mind was wondering (it does that) that this is a little like HangMan for Bloggers.  I’m in!

This week’s statements:

1. When I __ I ___
2. It is pretty funny that ____
3. It may be strange but ___
4. How ______ made me ______.

Where do I begin?

1.  When I substitute teach, I always learn what NOT to do.  For example, and trust me on this, NEVER, ever, ever, ask a class a question that contains the word NAKED.  Trust me, just don’t.

2.  It is pretty funny that I when I was in 20’s, I couldn’t do a push up or run more than a mile.  Now I’m, let’s just say about double that and I can do push-ups and run 13 miles.

3.  It may be strange but I put my ice cream in the microwave before I eat it.  And I prefer to eat ice-cream alone.

4.  How I passive aggressive The Big Brother’s second grade teacher was to him made me a better teacher.  I always try to remember, “you may be making me crazy, but you are SOMEBODIES baby.”  I try to always respect that.

Number three makes me sound crazy but if you saw, you would prefer I eat ice cream alone to.

Happy Friday.  Have a drink on me!

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Cape, please…

super sub teacherCareer woman…that’s me!  I have an illustrious career as a SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.  In the Catholic School, no less, so you KNOW I am making some pretty big bank.  Making bank–makes me sound pretty cool, huh?  Except the fact that I just used the word cool, pretty much clues you into the fact that I–am NOT!  I am okay with that…really.  I gave up that ghostlong time ago.  That…and any clothing item with the word skinny included.

Why, Substitute teaching?  Weelll, I kind of like it.  You’re like a Super Hero.  Coming in and saving the day, and the school, from potential chaos and collapse when Mrs. Regular Teacher has a sudden emergency.  You get to slap on your temporary I.D., sensible shoes, practical outfit, hop into your Super Hero Mini-Van and you are off to save the day.  Oh yeah, and shape and model young minds.  That took it a little far, huh?

Actually, I have learned A LOT substitute teaching.  Like,  I can think on my feet like nobodies business.  For example, the day the music teacher left lesson plans that called for an I-Pad.  Uh, problem, not an I-Pad to be found.  Solution…talent show.  Those kids are NOT shy.  Just have to remember next time to set better ground rules.  No hand springs or jokes that begin with…”So, these 2 guys went into a bar.”  But impressive talent.  Note to self, get The Brothers piano lessons.

And those notes the teachers leave to tell me who is line leader, etc.  Totally, not necessary.   I sub a lot in first grade and kindergarten.  Those kiddos are power-hungry and control freaks.  They give me that info before we walk through the door.

Lesson number TWO… I wish I would have paid better attention in math class.  Although I can think on my feet, it stinks when I have to use it to cover up that potentially 80% of the room knows way more than I do.

Oh yeah, and if anybody wants my opinion, technology is over-rated.  The smart board, weelll, turns out that stands for you have to be really smart to use it in the first place.  I had a student try to comfort me with the fact that, “It’s okay, my Mom had to go to a 2-day class to learn to use it.”  Thanks, kid.  I say, BRING BACK THE CHALK BOARD!  Those kids LOVE jobs.  If they think line leader is where it is at, they haven’t lived until they have cleaned erasers.

Also, the chalk board never requires a new bulb or a password that I can never remember.  Plus I have to admit, I love writing on a chalkboard.

Catholic school or not, those kids are a rough crowd.  You screw up once, and they are ALL OVER YOU!!  THAT’S NOT HOW MRS. REGULAR TEACHER DOES IT!!  “Yeah, well, do you see her here?”  Actually, that is just my inside voice.

They are pretty cool to.  Like the day an entire 3rd grade class took pity as we banded together to help Mrs. Substitute Teacher figure out the smart board.  Or in kindergarten someone usually throws you a bone and declares their feelings of utter joy that you are their teacher that day with a big gluey hug.   Weelll, just as long as I don’t screw up their schedule.

Today I took my life in my own hands and ventured into a complete new substitute teacher category…Pre-School.  They may look cute enough.  But they are the toughest of the tough.  I stood with a big, pre-school teacher smile, complete with sweet, peppy voice when one-by-one, I was greeted with, “Who are YOU?”  And their voice was not so sweet.  I was banished from “center” after “center” as I tried to find my place.  I was not wanted in the “kitchen”.  For the tea party I was admonished when I tried to “enjoy” my plastic cookie.  “It’s not time to eat yet, I’ll call you when it is.”

On I go to the lego table where I am flat-out told that “no, he did NOT like what I built.  And ripped it from my hands to show me the right way to do it.  I didn’t tell him, nobody likes a know it all!

Then I move to the sensory table.  Those kiddos were mesmerized by the corn meal flowing through their fingers…they didn’t even pay me the time of day!  I had had enough rejection, I moved on.

You want to know what you DON’T KNOW, go to pre-school.  For instance, I was so excited when the felt board was pulled out.  I remember thinking those were the BEST.  I did not hesitate to jump right in with Little “Joe” for some bonding and felt snowman making.  This was my place, I’ll be welcomed here!  I thought…WRONG.  Turns out, according to “Joe”  I actually stink at making felt snowman, and mine were immediately discarded.  Just because he made a felt snowman gerbil, he thought he was all that.

I felt badly though.  Turns out this snowman gerbil was made to pay homage to his Dear Departed gerbil who had moved on to a better place.  “I’m sorry”, I said, when he shared this sad tale with me.  “That’s okay, it wasn’t YOUR fault.”  Thanks, kid.

Snack time…NOW we’re talking.  I could pass that subject any time, any day, any grade.  WRONG…so excited that I received a personal invite to sit with the girls.  I happily pull out my orange.  “That’s your snack?”, they said, noses curled.  WOW!  I want my Mommy!

The best part of Substitute Teaching in a school with a crucifix in every room.  Instant behavior modification.  Just look at the kid, point at the cross and stick out your lower lip and declare, “would HE want you to behave this way.”  So, I guess, the biggest lesson I have learned…if you can’t beat em, join em….EXTRA RECESS?…anyone?anyone?

In the meantime, I will just press my cape.

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Bethlehem, VA? The untold story – In rear view

Made it through the Holidays.  Partly in a fog with an elephant sitting on my heart. The business of grief is a tough one.  You work long hours without a break and the Holidays just add a lot of “work” to the day.   But…with the help of amazing friends I was not committed.  More on that at another time.

Six days into the New Year and I realized that in the anxiety ridden fog about the Holidays, leading up to the fog of the Holidays, it came to me that I was not as in tune with what The Brother’s were doing.  Oh, don’t get me wrong…they weren’t quiet or anything…I was just half-awake.  Now I am AWAKE and I realize I might have missed about 100 pages of blogging adventures because they have been very busy in the last weekend writing this blog for me.  I will try to adjust my rear view and give you, Dear Reader, the highlights.

Here goes:  In no particular order…

Johnny asked me this weekend why I write a blog about him.  I told him because he was an interesting subject.  Might I add this conversation took place while he was parading around proudly in his new Batman costume.  Oh, was his response.

The following day, he asked me if I could become a surgeon.  For a moment I thought to be flattered.  WOW!!!!  Johnny thinks his mommy is that smart and YOUNG!  Never one to inflate your ego, Johnny cut to the chase.  “I want you to be a surgeon so you can operate and give me Bat Wings and a tail.”  Um, why don’t we just go MAKE you a costume.  A lot less unnecessary cutting involved.  Oh, was his response.

Speaking of New Years Resolutions…because I was going to…I was attempting to make some as Johnny’s Mom.  I fear that I have been sleeping on the job and perhaps Johnny needs a little pointing in the general direction I would like to see him go.  You guessed it…because I like to make my own kind of crazy.  I seem to enjoy being a busy body repairman.  You know, I show up to fix things that  ARE NOT broken and then plant my face in my hands cause you know what you get when you do what you’ve always done?  That’s right, what you’ve always got.

However, let’s not forget, I AM NOT A QUITTER!  So on I continue to repair Johnny.

Resolution:  We must return to religion class.  As you might recall last school year Johnny attended religion/CCD classes.  It was informative and entertaining for all.  Well…maybe not for all.  It is very difficult to teach about God and Jesus (who are not seen) to a child who only deals in what can be seen and touched (unless you are Santa Claus).  But it is important to me so we tried.  We have not made it back this school year but will be re-enrolling ASAP.  This resolution due to recent events

Friday evening, The Brothers had an Epiphany Pageant.  This meant a lot of people crowded into the church with lots of singing, trumpets, etc.  NOT Johnny’s preferred outing, EVER!!!  Where two or more are gathered, Johnny is NOT.  So, I thought it best to warn him and give him the usual lecture on  behavior AND the usual bribes.  Johnny doesn’t work for free.

Johnny – What is this thing called again?

Me – The Epiphany Pageant.

Johnny – Oh. (of course).  What’s it about?

WHAT’S IT ABOUT???  Oh Boy, Houston we have a problem (I think).  My boy does not know the Christmas story, so I gently say, “Who was born Christmas day?”

Johnny – Stares blankly.

Me – JESUS, REMEMBER?

Johnny – Oh yeah, right. (read with zero enthusiasm)

Me – (Thinking, I better get to repairing this).  That’s right, Jesus.  And do you know where he was born?  Which of course brought the response of a blank stare.  So I continue with a great sense of purpose…IN BETHLEHEM.  Remember?

Johnny – You guessed it…Oh.

Me – Because I just NEVER know when to quit…AND do you know where in Bethlehem Jesus was born. ( And that is when I knew I asked ONE too many question.)  Proudly he looks and says, “Virginia.”  At least he didn’t say, “in the batcave.”  Now it was my turn and I responded…oh.

Sadly, that wasn’t even the catalyst for my New Years resolution because Johnny and The Brothers never disappoint.

Driving to church on Sunday.  The Brothers are having a discussion about the “Holidays” of the season.  Johnny was talking about KWANZA.  Why?  I HAVE NO IDEA.  In mid-stream he switches gears and tells us Christmas is his favorite anyways.  And I learned my lesson Friday so I didn’t ask.  Although it is obvious why, even to me.

BUT The Little Brother did.  The Little Brother is oblivious to learning lessons.  Not waiting for the answer, Little Brother offers a possible reason that Christmas is the favorite.  And proposes…”Johnny is it because Christmas has the BETTER SPONSOR?  (Silence in the van…please let him say, Jesus)  SANTA CLAUS!!!  Guess him saying Jesus would’ve really been the Christmas miracle.

The Captain and I roll our eyes and open the doors to release our beasts in the church parking lot and out JUMPS JOHNNY bellowing…for NO particular reason…”and there is PARTIAL NUDITY!!”  Dear God, Please let him mean, Baby Jesus….you know, the one from Bethlehem…NOT Virginia.


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Trick or Treat?

Trick or treat………..smell my feet?  Question of the day………………..better question………………..carve a pumpkin OR build an ark?  What on earth am I pondering today?  “What is the best Halloween trick you have ever pulled?”

Weellll, my answer is somewhat pathetic.  Perhaps a little goody two shoes….buutttt, I can honestly say, with some remorse, that I don’t recall ever pulling one.  Dear Ol Dad didn’t go for that stuff, and being the rule follower I am, I didn’t like to go against, what he didn’t go for.  Plus, I wasn’t allowed out to randomly roam at night.

Possibly the only trick I have pulled at Halloween is to eat my Boys candy (hey………don’t judge……….you know you would do it to).  Or send it in to work with The Captain and tell them they must’ve eaten more than they remember.  I think these aren’t really tricks as much as a parenting right of passage.

Anywhoooo…………….my point………………I’m innocent.  How am I to be rewarded?  HURRICANE SANDY!!   Yes, I just did the higher math and realized the DC area is about to get hit right about the time, my Little Goblin, Johnny has planned to don his much anticipated Optimus Prime (3D) costume and hit the neighborhood.  For a boy that does not eat candy, he begins planning for this night about November.

Johnny was just appalled when he saw Santa Claus decorations.  He informed me the Grim Reaper isn’t going to like Santa.  In his literal world you do not mess with routine.   You don’t NOT have pancakes on Saturday, you don’t go to church on Saturday, you NEVER sleep past 6 a.m. and you MOST DEFINITLY do not rain out HALLOWEEN!

So……………….you think Hurricane Sandy is going to be ugly……………..weeelllll, just wait till SHE meets HURRICANE JOHNNY.  Take THAT Sandy…………………oh yeah and………………..Trick or Treat!

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Tis the Season

Goblins and witches and scares, oh my!

I don’t want no STINKIN candy!

Halloween…………that time of year at our house when Johnny likes to online shop.  See, he LOVES picking out just the right costume, usually of the SuperHero variety; however, he is scared to DEATH of the costume stores and any store that eerily displays its ghoulish spirit.  Just ask the CVS shoppers last week.  Yes, he was the boy running around, hand over ears, yelling, “scary guys, scary guys.”  Too bad for that innocent alternative looking guy with orange hair and lots of piercings.  Honestly, Johnny was not referring to you.

He also loves trick or treating, but HATES candy.  You got it, people in this house are being pretty accommodating to Ol’ Johnny this time of year.  This year I think I will make it interesting and auction off his candy to the highest bidder.  Hmmmm, what currency should I accept.  Naaahhhh, even I’m not that mean.  Word on the street (at my house) is that as Mommy’s go, I am pretty darn mean but even I can throw a dog a bone.  Possibly, a small hint to Johnny, and let the games begin.  Imagine the lego collection he would amass.

Halloween has never been a holiday that I got too excited about.  Oh sure, back in the day (Go Big E) I had some fun with it.  I mean when else in your life would you dress up in a box and hit every dive bar in sight.  Talk about risk, if that bartender over-serves you, looking ridiculous in a box isn’t your only problem.  Chances are lying inebriated on the ground in said box costume is not going to be a good look.  Thank goodness for college before social media.

As for my favorite costume…………..don’t really have one.  Bravest………….possibly the Christmas package get-up.  Yeah, green tights on large thighs and short box…………..full of courage or lack of pride……….hhmmmm, you be the judge.   Oh, let’s not forget the permed hair.  Now………..cast your vote!

As for you, Dear Reader, I hope your Halloween is ghoulish and your treats plentiful.  If not……………….contact Johnny……………..I’m sure he will be taking applications for his candy for legos program.  Apply soon, the good stuff goes fast.  I mean, I paid my dues, I get first dibs.

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In Rear View – It’s Possible

Another week down.  My plan is to give a condensed glimpse of my “Rear View” each week.  I assumed this would be a very doable plan……………and, well, you know what they say when you assume.

The problem does not lie in not having anything to write about (I wish).  O’Contrare…………….as  adventures in autism and the  general chaotic go…………let’s just say……….NO shortage here.  The problem lies in relying on my own feeble mind that is trying to organize my brain to hold on to so much, that thoughts and ideas fall out as soon as they make it in.  Thus, Mama is generally running on negative brainpower…………….or truth be told, I feed off of the frenetic energy that is a one dependable constant.  So, Mama fueled by Chaos + (-) brainpower = weeeelllll, Sciences and math were never really my thing so for our purposes let’s just say……………Mama is gone and “lost” her mind.

Weellll, I’ll just let you read and you be the judge.

Johnny's First Day

Brotherly Motto – Never let your Guard Down!

A big highlight………Johnny started at a new school this week.  I spent a great deal of energy worrying about him in a new school and not knowing anyone.  Wondering if he will make friends?  Will there be the classmate with the mothering instinct to take him under her wing (that is usually the case)

Johnny’s report thus far is that the kids are nice.  His exact description……

Me – Johnny, are the kids in your class nice?

Johnny – (zero enthusiasm) Yeah.

Me – Who do you sit by?

Johnny – I don’t know his name.  But I asked him to be quiet and stop annoying me.

Guess I should have spent more time on his people skills……….

On his teachers……………..

Me – How is your teacher?

Johnny – Nice.

(See where this is going)

Me – Have you talked to her?

Johnny – Yeah.  She tried to talk to me while I was eating lunch.  I told her I just wanted to eat.

Guess Johnny isn’t as worried about the friend thing as I am.

One thing Johnny is pretty excited about this week is a new Lego toy.  He  has put in his mind (cause things never fall out of his brain)  that if he is good at school he will earn a new toy.  His idea NOT mine.  He shared this idea with his teacher….

Johnny – I told my teacher I could maybe get a toy if I am good at school.

Me – Oh yeah, what did she say?

Johnny – She said it’s possible.  Soooo, what do you think?

Me -(Thinking, NO)  I don’t know Johnny.  It’s POSSIBLE.

And with these words I am in LOVE with his new teacher.  I never have to say NO to him again.  It’s Possible, is like the new Definite Maybe.  Could mean yes, could mean no…………and right now, Johnny is a little confused what I mean by this.  He thinks it has a positive tone to it, though.  So it has not deterred him from his never ending quest for a lego set.  Whenever he asks me for something, he replies, it’s possible, right, Mommy?  I suppose, Johnny, it’s possible.  See what I mean?

Crazy making chaos, it’s like the gift that keeps giving.

To do his part to keep the crazy train going, The Big Brother announced his Science Fair project.  Let’s just say it involves purchasing those pesky insects most pay money to get rid of.  But he did more than that to contribute to the train ride.

See, Big Brother suffers from a common condition of submitting a form to be completed and signed by Mom as we are walking out the door.  This time I said NO!!!  Stop the INSANITY!  And it was the band form.  And it was Band Day!  As we walk out the door I see his instrument lying in the living room.

Me – Get your Trombone!

Big Brother – I can’t.

Me – What do you mean, You Can’t?

Big Brother – Well, you didn’t fill out the form, so technically I’m not in band.

And Yes, I heard the familiar White Noise in my head.  He should consider himself lucky that I did not take his trombone and turn it into a nice, shiny necklace, technically.  Hey, it’s still possible.

The Little Brother is doing his part on the train ride.  He already stayed home from school, sick…….intestinal distress.  Always one to believe in his own popularity, he said, “Mommy, aren’t you glad I stayed home?  That way you don’t have to be alone?”  Uuuhhhh, I’ll get back to you on that………….just as soon as I clean up the overflowing toilet.  Nothing says quality time like intestinal distress and plumbing problems.

I was only going to give the Monday through Friday highlights, BUT as LUCK would have it, the weekend did not disappoint…….

Now Saturday, how do I even describe.  I can’t.  Soooo, I will just dive in.

Saturday morning The Captain took Big Brother to a car wash fundraiser and baseball game.  Mommy took Little Brother around the neighborhood selling popcorn for scouts.  Johnny stayed home and made more lists of Legos I could possibly by him.

Saturday afternoon we met up at Big Brother’s baseball game.  After game, head to parking lot.  At last, Mommy is going to the mall for some alone time.  Get to the parking lot, The Captain’s car has a flat tire.  He sends me on my way and sets to changing the tire.  I just darkened the door of the mall and phone rings.  Must go rescue boys, the spare is no good.  Back I go, guess what?  No shopping.  Take boys home.  Walk in door.  Boom, big STORM.  Boom again, NO POWER!  YEAH!

My sweet boys take a cross into the basement.  The Little Brother says he’s going to pray for everyone’s safety in the storm.  He was very nervous about the storm.  Johnny was found praying to…….for electricity.  Johnny was more concerned what he was going to do with no TV.  And like I said, Johnny NEVER FORGETS.  His thoughts are in his brain like a steal trap……….

Johnny – WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH NO POWER!!!  I’M BORED!!!!!!!  THIS IS AWFUL!!!!!!! (and NO, I’m not exagerating.)

Gets Better…

Johnny – See, IF YOU HAD BOUGHT ME THOSE LEGO TOYS I TOLD YOU ABOUT AFTER SCHOOL WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS PROBLEM, I WOULD NOT BE BORED.  I WOULD HAVE NEW LEGOS!!!

So much for outsmarting Johnny.  I should know better.  It isn’t my first day on this job!

Guess the remaining question………….WILL I lose my mind?? 

Hey.  It’s possible……

Looking Back

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No “Gettin Over”

After the chaotic frenzy of getting The Brothers out the door to their school, Johnny and I have well over an hour before he has to leave.  His school has a 9 a.m. start time, which is a real drag with his internal 6 a.m. alarm.  There are advantages though.  Like the finishing of homework that was just TOO insurmountable the night before, which is just not as complicated after Mommy has had some sleep and some coffee.   At this time the house is quiet and Johnny entertains me with his WIT AND WISDOM.  Both of which he has NO SHORTAGE of.

A funny thing about Johnny is that a great deal of the time his body language says, I am not listening to you…………….  I have no idea what is going on around me……………..I am in my own LITTLE BATMAN world, and I LIKE IT here.  Actually, not all of the above is true……………He IS listening and he IS PAYING ATTENTION to everything going on around him.  Especially to me…………

Since Precious Baby Girl, Madeline, has been gone, Johnny is perhaps the most AWARE of my grief.  He will ask, “What is wrong Mommy, you have your Madeline face.”  He informed me this is my face when I look sad like I am really missing Madeline and might cry.  He DOES NOT like this face, it makes him extremely nervous to see Mommy very sad and he has seen a Great Deal of that this last year.  The force of the grief is just TOO great to hide some days.  The days I can’t “fake it” he attempts to soothe me with a nice pat on the back………… which is usually delivered with the force of the Heimlich Maneveur.  Delicate he isn’t……..  My “typical” children just vacate the area until I can “get it together.”

This morning, Johnny and I were bonding over the laptops.  He was “working on math” and I was e-mailing his teacher.  I must’ve had “THAT FACE, because  Johnny asked……..Mommy, are you looking at pictures of Madeline?

Me-No, why?

Johnny-Well, you have THAT FACE, you know, the one…….

Me-No, Johnny I am not looking at her picture, but I love to.

Johnny-Oh!………………then extended quiet……………

Referring to a phone call he overheard a few minutes earlier Johnny spoke up.

Johnny-Mommy, what is a “bad hair day?”

Me-It’s when you are not in a good mood, you are not happy with the way things are going……you know, like when I won’t let you wear your sweat pants every day.  But you just have to GET OVER IT AND GET ON WITH IT.

Johnny-You mean like what you need to do with Madeline and her breathing problem.

Me-(Somewhat stunned) What do you mean?

Johnny-You know………that morning……when she couldn’t breathe…….. and then she died.

(That day plays like a constant tape in my head………so YES…………I KNOW exactly.

Me-(Really wanting to Cry but did NOT)-Chosing my words carefully…………………No, Johnny………………it is not the same thing, Mommy will never GET OVER Madeline or GET ON WITH IT.  Mommy misses her soooo much EVERY DAY.  So no, THAT IS NOT what I mean by GET OVER IT AND GET ON WITH IT.

Johnny-Simply Staring.

Me-(Not letting it go) I mean like,  GET OVER IT AND ON WITH IT when you are mad you can’t have a toy, play with your friend, have your favorite food or have to do homework.  And to EMPHASIZE my point, I added, Mommy CANNOT just GET OVER AND ON WITH IT about your Sister.

Johnny-(Pauses and sighs) Yeah, Mom, me neither…………….

Johnny, I don’t know HOW  but YOU GET IT!!!  What an Amazing Little Man you are………………

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Filed under Precious Baby Girl

All That Is Holy

Our Holy Boy!

The above photo is the Big Brother.  It is was taken last week when he was being, an Altar Server, for the FIRST time.    This was to be one of my Big Mommy Moments…………………but alas, it ranked right there with Big Brother’s first day of Kindergarten………….the one where he was almost late for his first day and would NOT let me take his photo.

If you have the luck of knowing me well, you are aware I have been waiting for this moment since the spring when he put his name on the list.  See,  it is in his blood line………….his Grandpa Ron was an Altar Boy for so long his photo is in the Church Archives.  We have invested so much time and $$$ in his Catholic Education  I did not think it was too much to ask for a nice framed picture of my Boy standing with the Cross, in the Mass Procession, the family in our Sunday Best………you know……………as proof of all those tuition dollars.  The perfect memory for the family album.  Also, it would be nicer to look at than the other proof we have………..THE VERY OLD MINIVAN!!! 

Yes, yes………….I know, the proof should be in his Christian attitude and behavior…………but since he was last seen closing the car door on the kids in carpool and punching his brother for touching the remote……….I think a nice photo is my best bet.

Had some grand plans for that photo to, may I say.  Nice black and white, enlarged to 8×11, framed and displayed piously by his Grandpa Ron’s photo.  I often like to imagine my Dad from his couch in heaven smiling down on the scene, thinking to  himself that it was HIS payoff for dragging me to CCD for all those years!

I hope my Dear Dad was looking down on us……..but I think he was having a good laugh……… at my expense…………………… I’m pretty sure on that one.

See……….the whole thing did not pan out like the Big Plan in my head……but, what does?  This is why I am not a planner, it ALWAYS backfires on me!  First of all, it was not on a Sunday, it happened on a Thursday.  And did  Big Brother tell me the day before  me so I could make proper preparations?………………..Well, OF COURSE NOT…………….that would just be CRAZY THINKIN!!!

On said Thursday morning, I discovered that Big Brother had left his binder on the breakfast table.  (In middle school this is just academic suicide)  Sooooo, I thought I would surprise him by being NICE and bring his binder to school.

I get to school and run to the office.  The running was easy.  Why?  You Ask.  Because……………… I WAS IN MY RUNNING CLOTHES.  I am then informed by the office that Big Brother is not in class.  He is, in fact, over at church.  Why???? You Ask?  Well…………..that would be because, HE IS THERE BEING AN ALTAR SERVER FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Sooooo, what did I do??  Well……….like any lunatic, Catholic parent that has spent all their $$$$$ on the kid’s education………I grabbed my smart phone and RAN like a Catholic to the beer tent over to the church!!!  No procession, missed that, just My Boy sitting up on the Altar looking like ALL THAT IS HOLY.  I sat there a minute……. taking in the moment, and then…………….AGAIN, good thing I had on my running clothes AND CAP………I then somewhat irreverantly ran around the church like a crazy person taking every possible photo I could.

Guess I got some additional proof of his Christian Education, as well.  See, he told me………..Mom, what are you doing?….your are in church……you CAN’T TAKE PICTURES!  Oh YEAH!  Well, I should’ve told him to remember the commandment of “Don’t Sass Your Mother.”  Okay, okay, well……it SHOULD be one!  Sounds more fitting then the Honor I am supposed to get.

Besides………..I’m sure if Mary had had a smart phone, she would have been running all over that Wedding Feast taking Pics of her Boy, turning that water into wine!!  Can I get an AMEN?!   

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Filed under Johnny P