Tag Archives: funny students

That’s the Facts

“There’s a time you got to go and show 
You’re growin’ now you know about 
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life. 

When the world never seems 
to be livin up to your dreams 
And suddenly you’re finding out 
the Facts of Life are all about you, you. “

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/

I feel the need to follow-up on what I will now refer to as “The pants incident.”  Dear reader,  if you are lost please refer to my previous post, entitled, most appropriately, “Keep your pants on……literally.”

So………………this morning I send Johnny off to school feeling pretty confident that all pants will remain in their proper position.  One, because The Captain and I gave extensive speeches last night on keeping your privates, well, private.  I thought we did some pretty darn good parenting.  However, I have to humbly admit that what Johnny probably heard was much like Charlie Brown  when he was lectured.  So……let’s just say what his primary motivation for proper pants placement…………..you guessed it……………the stop in your tracks fear of spending the rest of the school year sentenced to the daily wearing of church pants.  Yep, I believe that little behavior modification was the supreme motivator.  Mom and Dad can go away for the school day………church pants………not so much.

Johnny kept this information fresh in his mind.  Yeeeeaaaaah, Mom…………………only one glitch……………I seem to have missed a very important notice that came home from school.  The one informing me that beginning TODAY, Johnny’s class would begin discussing………….say it isn’t so……………….. THE FACTS OF LIFE!!! (que music).

Yes, he is at that age……..much to my chagrin,  and as much as I prefer to……………I know I must keep my head out of the sand and Mom up.  Oh……….and pay better attention to the papers coming home.

I got to school to pick him up…………….he was standing at the door with his teacher…………not a good sign……ever!  Guess the “Facts of Life” was about as big a hit as algebra.  My Johnny is a literal man.  You do not tell him one day to keep it all private and then the next expect him to remain calm when what he is to keep covered is now PLASTERED ALL OVER A POWER POINT.  From all reports not a pretty scene.  Can you blame him?  Guess it’s hard for all to focus when Johnny is bellowing what all the other boys are  thinking, “GET ME OUT OF HERE, I DON’T LIKE THIS, I’M UNCOMFORTABLE.”  

Teacher’s suggestion……………..modified Facts of Life………….wonder what that leaves out.

Walking to the car…………..Johnny trailing behind pleading, “I can’t take that class, I can’t talk about puberty, I’M NOT EVEN A TEENAGER!!!  Good point, Johnny, Good point…………………now, let’s go find some sand………….. I feel the need to bury my head.

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Keep your pants on…LITERALLY

Mommy’s Brave Face

Today I will be writing under the heading, “Never a dull moment” or better………… perhaps…………….., “The Once Again Futile Attempt to fly under the proverbial radar.”  Yeeeepppp……………………..I think that sums it up.  But Blessed are the Brief, so I will sum it up like this………………DRINK PLEASE!!

I get it, I know…………..Life is not easy and No One ever said it was, Life is not fair either and yeah, yeah………..I know…………..Sweet Darlin, no one ever promised you a rose garden.  I think roses aren’t actually necessary,  and at this point I would settle for some garden variety marigolds or even some of those pretty little white “flowers” we used to make “necklaces” out of when we were little.  But I digress…………………..

Anywhooo………………… with all of this knowledge of  ease and fairness, I ask you Dear Reader…………………can’t some things be easy, even a given……….like getting your kids to do the basics…………………you know, homework, brush their teeth, KEEP THEIR PANTS ON AT SCHOOL!!!!!!!

As I have said before, Johnny has been in school for a LOOOONNNNG time.  About 8 years now.  I like to think we got this down.  We know the ropes, when I tell him, “have a good day”, I suppose I should not have neglected to mention……………….AND KEEP YOUR PANTS PROPERLY FASTENED AROUND YOUR WAIST!!!!!!!!!!!  If you have a child that instinctively does this……………..GOD BLESS YOU, cause if you, like me, can’t always take the basics for granted, you are either laughing at me or crying with me, cause you know of the fun I speak.  I have said it before, I say it again………….Autism is the gift that keeps giving………one surprise after another.  It is not for the faint of heart, that is for sure, no matter your place on the spectrum.

What behavior modification technique did I utilize to reinforce the desired behavior.  Weeellllll, I dug deep into my vast wealth of behavior modification and came up with the following pearls of behavior wisdom……………………”JOHNNY! if you do that again in school you will have to wear church clothes with buttons, hooks and belts EVERY DAY!!!”

Yep, I did it, I went with scare tactics.  Sometimes operating on fear gets sold short.

Johnny’s response – Got it.

Me – Good.  And like I never met Johnny before……………… I just had to do it, ask that one question that I know better than asking………………..why Johnny?

Johnny – Cause my brain sometimes tells me to do dumb things……….(he looks at my glaring face, recalls the closet full of khaki pants and belts and re-considers)………….but I think now my mind just told my brain that we have learned our lesson.  Good Team Work, Johnny, Good Team Work.

Now Johnny, do Mommy a favor………………have your mind tell your brain to give your Mommy a break…………. or a drink…………all under the radar, of course.

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Got to Thinking

NaBloPoMo – Day 9

Thinking, thinking, thinking

Here I am…………Again………….still pondering.  Pondering……….my new fancy word for thinking.  All of this “pondering” of writing prompts and instrospection has led me to this conclusion…………….pondering your thinking is hard work and I need a break.  However, not being a quitter and all, I am determined to do my 30 posts in 30 days.

Today I am being prompted to contemplate at what point did I stop trying to look older and start trying to look younger, or something like that.  My response…………………I have NO idea.  I have been told I have a baby face but I don’t remember ever trying to give myself an air of sophistication.  On the other hand, now that I no longer have a baby face I don’t seem to be doing much to make it younger either.  Bigger fish to fry, as I like to say.

Enough of that.  What is on my mind today?  Thinking.  Seriously, that is what is on my mind.  Today, however, the thinking I am pondering, is that of The Brothers.  What I’m thinking is that I am concerned THEY DO NOT!!!!  Especially one Little Brother who shall remain nameless.

The Little Brother has a certain irrisitable factor about him.  Sadly, however, I believe the bloom is falling off the rose and my Little Guy is headed for hard times in the form of organizational charts.  Yes, I admit, it is a little like I am calling the kettle, black but HEY, do as I say”………….am I right?

Lest you think I am jumping to conclusions, I will share some of the weeks finer moments.  Unfortunately, for Little Brother, I occasionally sub in his classroom.  Yes, he loves when his worlds collide.  On days like this, I learn certain information such as, as of not even 2 full months of school, he has LOST two COMPLETE sets of school supplies.  HOW does this happen?  His response…………palm to face, that’s all he’s got.

At least I no longer have to wonder where all of his work papers are………………BECAUSE I found them……… ALL wadded up in the back of his desk.  WHAT IS THIS???  Same response…………….palm to face.

These and a few other events set me to googling how to organize this child.  My searching was interrupted by the doorbell.  It was the Little Brother, home from play practice.  Other parent informs me, I tried to help him tie his shoes but he LOST his shoe laces.  HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??  How does one LOSE their shoe laces?  Response…………palm to face, this time MINE!

Little Brother learned a new word in school this week, Metacognition.  He is to be thinking about his thinking.  The photo above……….that is from his hand out on metacognition.  How did I get it?  Did I find it in his desk?  NOOOO……”The Teacher” found it UNDER his desk.  Guess we know what the Little Brother thinks about thinking. Response…………….I got none.  NO palm to face, no yelling……just hung my head and thought, WHERE oh WHERE am I going to get those new shoelaces…………..and Teacher Gift, cause I think an apple is NOT going to cut it……..at least that’s what I’m  thinking.

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My Rear View

Weeelllll, WHAT a week!!  The Big Brother and Little Brother started school this week.  As much as I entertain myself recording their wisdom and antics for posterity sake, even I can’t expect anyone to want to read every detail.  Sooo…………. in the interest of brevity and keeping this a shorter read than War and Peace, I am trying to stick to the highlights.

Sooooo…….as I said school started this week for The Big Brother and The Little Brother.  How did that go, you may ask?   Weellllll, I am sharing the following photo with you…………………..YOU be the judge…………..

Ahhhhhh, School Days Memories

Even THEY outdid themselves with this one.  What did I say to provoke them……………”Go on the porch, please, I want to take a First Day picture.”  Seemed easy enough.  I’ve seen the pictures, other families take these type of photos and I don’t recall them having a violent theme.  Note the irony of their Parochial School uniforms.

The actual day at school seemed to be a success…………..weeeelllll, that’s according to The Big Brother.

Me – Sooooo, how was the FIRST DAY???

Big Brother – Good, the TEACHERS seemed to have a better attitude this year.

Yeah.  You’re right, the teachers will be beyond excited to hear of this GLOWING REPORT.  Cause I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my student with the need for an attitude adjustment.  He’s always a delight…………..just ask him.  Of course, you will need to be able to interpret his grunts.

The BIGGEST excitement was the NEW Grammar Teacher. *** The previous teacher retired (who can blame her) and the possibility of someone new and fun filled my son with HOPE.  This is what he had to say.  A direct quote is the only way………

“Mom, the new teacher is AWESOME.  She’s worked with kids before.”

Me – Oh yeah.  (Thinking, I hope she has).

“Yeah…………….. turns out she worked with mental kids.”  She was a PSYCHOTIC NURSE.  So, she really knows kids.”

Me – UUhhhh, I think you mean PSYCHIATRIC NURSE.

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

Moving on………..

Like I said, Big Brother is 13, and is desperately looking for more freedom.  (THAT, we have in common…….. me to).  In all of his 13 year old wisdom he asked for more freedom, in the morning,  before school.

Me – (Playing along) What did you have in mind?

“Well, I think I should be able to watch TV.”

Me – NO.

Gets better………..

“Well,  can I play video games then?”

Almost couldn’t get NO!!!!! out of my mouth fast enough.  And I usually don’t have a problem with that.

He seems bright enough.  Must be my attitude.  Cause that was a reasonable request.

I promised this would NOT be the GREAT AMERICAN novel so I will pick up the pace.

On the education front still……

Johnny has not started school yet, but alas, I have learned that last year was not a complete waste.  We made a run for some breakfast treats after dropping the brothers off.  Driving home, I was attempting to enjoy my fresh organic juice, when from the back of the van, comes the following educational epiphany,  courtesy of Nancy Reagan……….and Johnny.

Johnny – Hey, I thought you weren’t supposed to drink and drive.”

Me – Uuuhhhh, they mean alcohol and drugs, Johnny, you can drink orange juice and drive.

Johnny – Oh, okay.  No drugs though.

Me – Right, no drugs.

Johnny – Weelll, then you better not drink coffee when you drive cause that caffeine is a drug and might make YOU go all crazy.

Ooohhh Yeah, cause it’s the CAFFEINE that’s going to make me CRAZY.  Nothing else.

Finally………….from The Little Brother….

Taking a walk to Johnny’s new school……..

The Little Brother tells me that’s he can’t wait for High School………..

Little Brother – Mommy, I can’t wait for High School so I can take Chemistry and use test tubes and Chemicals!

Me – Oh yeah, that will be exciting.

Little Brother – Yeah, AND I’m tired of always having to do “SAFE SCIENCE.”

Readers…………..I will leave you with this………….words of wisdom from Johnny and The Little Brother,

“Don’t drink and drive and always, but always, Do SAFE SCIENCE.

Hope you enjoyed my week in REAR VIEW.  

 

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Reading, Writing………and History!

So……Johnny has been studying Colonial times and the Revolutionary War.  His mind is a steel trap when it comes to this.  Anything involving weapons, fighting, he’s in.  He also has his own tools to remember………fancy they are not…………….effecitve……… why yes.  For example, why didn’t America want to be ruled by the British King?  According to Johnny…………”Cause he was a BIG JERK!”  Now, I ask you, whatHISTORY SCHOLARis going to argue with Johnny about that.

Last week, Johnny got his test back on the Revolutionary War.      A PLUS………………That boy knew his stuff.

Flash forward TWO DAYS………………..bummer news……………he had to read an article on George Washington and answer about 5 questions.  Grade = Correct, have signed by your parents and return for a……….can hardly type it…………..C.  Well………in all fairness, I think Mommy was the only one bummed.  (It’s good to be Johnny, good tephlon coating on that boy).

Me:  Johnny, What happened here?

Johnny:  I don’t know, I think her teacher messed up and forgot the right answers.  (Students everywhere should pay him homage for this response)  Pointing to an incorrect answer, “George Washington DID help in the French and Indian War.”

Me:  Yes, BUT, the question was What TWO WARS did he fight in?

Johnny:  I GOT IT RIGHT, IT WAS THE FRENCH AND INDIAN WAR!!!!

Me:  Johhny, THAT was ONE War!

Johnny:  (Getting really annoyed) NOOO!  IT WAS TWO, THE TEACHER WAS…………………WRONG!!!!!!!

Me (very calm):  It was TWO.

Johnny:  Yeah!  Well………Then they should have called it the FRENCH, SLASH, INDIAN WAR! (French/Indian).

Aaaahhhhhhh……….Perhaps my new title………….”History According to John.”

Coming soon……………..Johnny was just assigned a research paper.  Looooorrrddd and Tutor Help Me!  He chose Robert E. Lee.  Sooooo………..stand by People…………….The South MIGHT rise again……………Well………..That is, if Johnny has anything to say about it….

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