Tag Archives: siblings

Guest Blogger – The Little Brother

My guest blogger…The Little Brother.  Even though until today he did not know I had brown eyes, he is still watching my every move.  In his defense he explained because I am always taller than him so it has been hard to see.  But I guess this “short stuff” might be churning around in his not so wee mind because he felt the urge to “blog.”  I let him have at it.

Please give him the guest treatment and maybe a little feedback, you will make his day.

Now is your chance, he could be on the Life Coach circuit and be too busy to get back to you.

It`s Tough Being my Age and Size but we can get Through our Life.

Hi! I`m the “the little brother” and I know its tough being the yougest it`s like being the runt of the litter. It feels like nobody feels your pain and I know it. Most people think we can`t achieve much but look at James Madison he was only about 5ft. tall and he became president.Now if he did that we don`t you think we could acomplish stuff to.Don`t let those people get to you because we can do things to.It doen`t matter your age or size you can be the fastest in your class or smartest anyway.So do what you can and show what you can acomplish.Little bro out!Good luck everybody!

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Filed under Guest Blogger - Little Brother, Just Because...

Perfect Love…Forever

Lori  of Lavender Luz challenges us to look the perfect moment.  If you look hard enough, they are all around you, you just might not be seeing.  The more you see, the more you will find.  Which was my thought as I stood in The Big Brother’s room last night staring at a photo.

But in the beginning…

I was a steadfast on holding onto my motto, “I’m a BOY mom!”  My other battle cry, “NO! I am not going to have anymore, have you met my boys?”

The Big Brother had to have been in ear shot of all of this.  Afterall, I do have a big mouth.  But as is his habit (or anyones, for that matter) he had fine tuned the skill of selective listening.

He was in second grade when the family moved in across the street.  A gorgeous family with three adorable little girls.  His favorite, Baby Mollie.  He couldn’t get enough of her.  Blasting into the house he would brag about how good they said he was with her.  To which he would use as ammo to plea, “see Mommy, if you have another baby, I can help you, cause I’m good at it.”  While I was touched… this was not enough to motivate me for further sleep deprivation.

Another tactic he used in his ongoing argument was his assurance he would not leave me “all alone” in the hospital.  “Remember when Little Brother was born and I came to visit you?  Wasn’t that nice?  If you have another baby I will come and visit you, again.”  All very touching but still, I was remembering the much wanted, neglected hamster I had been caring for and  was not completely buying what he was selling.  Touching as it was.

So, imagine his great joy and delight when much to our surprise, The Big Brother was going to get his wish.  A Baby, just what he always had wanted.  The newness of his two brothers had worn off long ago so he couldn’t wait for his new brother or sister.

I don’t recall him wishing for a brother or sister but I remember he wanted to name a baby girl, Tootsie.  He thought it would be great fun to be able to call her Toots.  Boy, girl, he didn’t care, he was on board, 100%.

When Madeline arrived he in love had been making great plans for homecoming.  I remember being just so sad for him, when he was told Madeline was rushed back to the hospital and would be there for many weeks.  That, was not what he had been planning.  He had been practicing for this moment for 9 months.

But good to his word, he was a faithful visitor and from the start, an adoring, loving Big Brother.  Any chance he got, he was at her side or picking her up, or squeezing her with all his 10-year-old might.  I could just kick myself for all the times I begged him to “give her space”.   Because I learned too late he just couldn’t get enough of all that cuteness…no one could.


When finally, Madeline was going strong and spending more of her time at home, Big Brother took full advantage.  A favorite memory, I was taking her to get a picture taken in her Easter dress.  He skipped a laser tag party, grabbed his Sunday best and insisted on private photo session.  And yes…it was that precious.


When Madeline died, within moments I thought, “I cannot tell him, how will I tell him, his much adored, desired Baby Sister is gone.”  In the end, I wasn’t even there when he was told.  A teacher whose care and compassion carried  The Big Brother through that year, was there.  She said she will never forget that moment.

As time has passed Big Brother, with some strong faith and guidance, seems to be in a different place.  Gone are the days of him asking can we “get” another baby, can we please adopt, Mommy?”  The permanence of this loss was too much on his heart and mind but he has seemed to tuck it somewhere inside himself.  Slowly, I thought, he  had moved on.  He had ceased talking as much about her and requesting to “visit” her in Chicago.  All healthy, I was assured, but still, caused a  sadness in my heart wondering if he thought of her still or had he, perhaps, outgrown his Baby Sister.

But 13 year old’s nature being what it is, I had not thought of a good way to ask without causing any unnecessary trauma.   Also, I knew I needed to be happy for this contentment and maybe I should be taking notes.

The Big Brother uses his new treasure, his  I-Touch as an alarm.  After learning we were going to have a weather delay, I went into his room where he was sleeping to turn off his alarm.  I picked up the I-Touch to crack the code on turning off the alarm, then I pressed the button to turn on the screen.  And much to my heart’s delight and through  a few tears this is the screen saver I saw my Big, Boy’s Boy 13-year-old I-Touch.

Madeline at HSC

Don’t misunderstand, I am very glad that he has found peace.  But I cannot tell you the warmth that filled me up to see the Forever Love he has for his Madeline and the quiet ways he has found to keep her close.

My heart is grateful for that perfect moment in time to witness such sweet and tender-hearted love for Madeline that I mistakenly thought had faded away.  Perhaps, instead, has found a deeper place to grow.


Filed under Just Because..., Precious Baby Girl

Sleeping Single?

No way out!

No way out!

Not only the last day of the year, but the LAST Monday of the month, as well.  Not only does this mean New Year’s Resolutions to make to be broken no later than January 2,  but it is also time to reflect on what has been a slice of perfection, for even a split second, in the last month for Perfect Moment Monday with Lori at Write Mind, Open Heart.

Not always easy, especially this month, which has held many challenges.  As I have said before, I believe I have done worn out my boot straps from pulling myself up.  Soooooooo, guess I’ll just have to buy some new ones,  as my Father’s voice continues to echo in my head, “I didn’t raise a whiner, quitter, or complainer.”  Thus my Boot Straps are on over night delivery and expect to be back on my feet……….or boots in the next 24 hours.

But while I’ve been “off of my feet” I got to thinking about what could be considered “my perfect moment” this month.  This brought me to thinking about Brotherly Love.  It seems to be an elusive, intangible bond…………..largely based on the fact that if you have Brotherly Love, you have all rights to trade their toys, eat their favorite cereal, steal their favorite book, blame them for anything missing or broken and  beat the crap out of them and you are still assured you have someone to play video games with the rest of the day.  I guess that’s what makes Brothers “lucky.”  

However, this is not something  I think that Johnny, The Big and The Little Brother are giving much thought.  I do think they enjoy having a “punching bag” though.  It is why I enjoy having a basement door.

Anywhoooooo, as I was saying……………..Brotherly Love, Perfect Moments……………not easy to combine.  But alas, I have………

Our home provides enough space that each Brother could have his own room.  However, it does not work that way.  Birth order having its privileges, The Big Brother does have his own room.  Johnny and The Little Brother, they share.  Why? Weellll, it must be character building, right?

Truth of the matter is, The Brothers are about the only friends Johnny really has.  A nasty side effect of Autism.  It makes me really sad at times but does not seem to rattle Johnny too much.  He is a solo operator.  Another reason it has always been so important for us that The Brothers learn to stick it out and stick together.

Mostly Johnny and The Little Brother get along just fine in their room together.  A little bit like the odd couple but mostly okay.  Except lately.  Lately, there has been some grumbling.  Johnny is a very early riser and not always quiet about it.  Causing The Little Brother to be up as well.  Causing a lot of “arguing” early in the morning.  On the other hand when Johnny is ready to go to sleep, do NOT get in his way.

Soooo, I started to think, maybe it’s time.  Maybe they need their “own space”.  I started to devise a plan for the “break-up” to happen over Christmas break.  Shared my plan with The Captain.  He was not “on board.”  His reasoning, “Johnny spends enough time alone, The Little Brother is his best buddy, I know he’s  9, but Little Brother is going to take one for the team.”

Hmmmm………….guess The Captain needs more convincing.  I was mulling all this over until one night……………………

Bedtime………………….and NOT a peaceful one.  Johnny and The Little Brother are at it.  Pointing fingers and I quote, “You’re annoying, NO YOU’RE annoying…….(get the picture)

Enter Mommy……………KNOCK IT OFF!!!  Johnny, “Mom, he’s annoying make him stop doing those noises.”  Now……..let me just say this never fails to crack me up when Johnny points the finger because he has just a few quirky ways.  Mommy had had it, NOT listening to anymore so I throw up my hands and BELLOW, “That’s it!!!  Johnny, get your things, you can sleep in your own room.  This news stops him in his tracks.  “WHAT?”

Johnny gathers up all things Batman and prepares to move.  “Where to?”  I tell him to Cousin Amber’s Old room.  So, he peaks out the door at the quiet, still room across the hall.  Then he turns and looks at his room.  All is quiet as he contemplates life on “his own.”  Next he looks at me, I continue to stare.  Finally, he speaks…………..”Mom, Can’t you just tell LITTLE BROTHER to stop being ANNOYING.”

Up pipes Little Brother……….”OH YEAH!, YOU’RE ANNOYING!”  In I chime………………Do YOU want to move to your own room?  A look of panic comes across his little face……………………No.

So in true Mommy style I state, with authority, “BOTH OF YOU, STOP BEING ANNOYING AND GO TO SLEEP.”

I turn and exit the room.   As I leave I feel a ping of joy and warm fuzzies………………………..Brotherly Love, True Brotherly Love……………maybe for more than a “moment.”


Filed under Johnny P

A Moment in Time

I have been out of touch Dear Readers.  I have had a full mind and heavy heart , leaving me with a lot to write about but unsure where to begin.  Different for me, if you have had the pleasure of my company you know…………… I am chatty!  However, at times when the heart is heavy the words become stuck.  This has become the case.

Thus,  I was glad to learn from my friend Kathy over at Bereaved and Blessed it was for Time Warp Tuesday.  Just the motivation I needed.  Kathy invites us to visit an old post, reflect on “where” we were when we first wrote it and “where” we are now, in our thoughts or on whatever “journey” we may be taking.  The subject this months is “gifts.”  Very apropos as Christmas calls us to be in the “Spirit of Giving.”  Easier said than done with a grieving heart sometimes stuck in “wishing” and “hoping” for what “no longer is” or “never will be.”

I chose a post from last September.  We were fast approaching the One Year Anniversary of losing Sweet Madeline and the weight of the grief was suffocating.  Adding to the weight was watching her brother’s grieve and try to comprehend the unthinkable loss of their baby sister.  The Big Brother quite simply adored Madeline and was literally in her face at any opportunity.  Sneaking any chance to be cheek to cheek.  Not knowing what the future held I was quite often telling him to “please get out of her face, stay out of her room, let her rest.”  Reader, as you probably guessed, The Big Brother NEVER DID listen.  

As well, never did I dream this……………… his failure to listen …………….. could quite possibly be the best gift  ever.  I recount the day I received this gift in A Brother’s Love.

Welcome back……….I watched this again for the first time in a long time today.  I am still, today, as touched by the gentle heart my now Really Big Boy still has!!!!   I am even more grateful as I struggle through, without our Precious Girl, to have even just a moment preserved for a band aid for my heart.  To catch just one of those rasberry kisses.

As a Mom, I am on that poor boy all the time to just listen!!  Possibly, I should have learned my lesson with “Madeline’s Moments.”  What a treasure to have a non-listening child sneak in to video his “irresistable” Baby Sister sleeping.  To have this “gift” to watch these moments and feel completely transported to that moment when our Precious Girl lay sleeping in the next room and feel for just a “moment” that I could quite possibly just reach through and kiss and hug that Sweet, Sweet Baby.  And just for a moment I quite possibly felt her touch and  inhaled her sweet perfume…………….a gift………….no amount of money could ever buy.


Filed under Precious Baby Girl

All was Right

It is the last “Monday” of the month, and I am joining Lori at Write Mind Open Heart to reflect and share on what is right, maybe even perfect in our world for a moment in time.

No………….it is NOT a typo, you read correctly, it is called Perfect Moment Monday.  Yes……………..I know it is TUESDAY butthought about my perfect moment on Monday………………..if that counts?  However, life got a little in the way on Monday and now, here I am, writing from my own personal time machine.  So, Dear Reader, please humor me and play along.  Please and thank you!

As has been said, “The best things in life aren’t things at all.”  They can’t be bought, wrapped and put under a tree.  At times they appear in what you believe to be the mundane of your life.  Not at all in those moments marketed to be perfect.

Case in point, the child, who shall remain nameless, that looks at disappointment at his gifts on Christmas Morning when he realizes you really meant he was getting that rated M for mature game.   I had already sent my own letter to Santa, was my reply.  Sad child, frustrated parent, not so perfect.

I did not have high expectations of Thanksgiving either.  When you have lost a family member, no matter the age, you struggle through the day to not be filled with grief and longing for your loved one.  This was especially tough since our Precious Madeline’s anniversary is in November and we were struggling so with this 2 year milestone.

However, for her Brothers, we knew we must pull something together and present the makings of a holiday.  Possibly complete with a new tradition.  Shake it up a bit and give all of us something to anticipate.  Something with potential for fun.  So that’s what we did.  With “four” boys in our home who love history, we headed to Gettysburg the day after Thanksgiving.  Excitement abounded……………for The Brothers, as we were going to stay in a hotel WITH a pool.  Not something we do much of so they were pretty happy.

Of course, hotel life and all looks good……………….. on paper.  Actually having The Brothers together in confining quarters is a different story.  Paper………………. not as pretty.  We did get a little front room with a pull out sleeper and t.v., etc.  Best idea Captain Daddy ever had.  Despite our suite,  after the car drive and some museum time, The Brothers weren’t really feeling “Brotherly Love.”  If my ears didn’t deceive me disparaging remarks were flying under their breaths.

Particularly difficult is managing some of Johnny’s autistic behaviors on the road.  Being away can stir up a great deal of anxiety.  And Brother being “good” brothers…………….they don’t always display much sympathy and there is a lot of OMG STOP IT, JUST STOP IT.  (By all concerned)

So where, you may be thinkingwas there any perfect moments in THIS SCENARIO.  Like I said before…………….it came out of nowhere, when I was expecting the fists to start flying I discovered this……………….

Things got quiet, so I walked into the suite (cracks me up to call it that) to see if they had left and what to my astonished eyes did I see?  The Big Brother and Johnny, the MOST unlikely pair, lying side by side on the bed, with their legs touching…..yes, touching………….. and then I noticed their hands.  Their hands were pressed together in that way of comparing and then it happened, their fingers locked together.  What an absolute perfect sight for my sad eyes.  My heart filled to see Big Brother and Johnny sharing this time, albeit brief, when they were at peace and all was right in our little life for that Perfect Moment.


Filed under Johnny P, NaBloPoMo, Precious Baby Girl

Gate of Faith


There is no good or easy way to tell your child about death, especially the death of their Baby Sister.  Much time is put into teaching them to pray, not preparing for death.  “Pray for our Sweet Madeline and for her Doctors and Nurses to take good care of her, so she can come home soon.”  We recited a version of this simple yet pleading prayer for 16 months.

Left with no words when our prayers were not answered in a way we can possibly ever fully grasp,  we simply said, “God called Madeline home.”  “She is an Angel now with God, her cousins and Grandma and Grandpa’s.”  

As I have not found even this knowledge to be adequately comforting, I often wondered what The Brothers were thinking.  Big Brother is pretty firm in his faith for a little/big guy.  He told me with awe, “Mom, she’s like a Saint now!”  Johnny, so literal, simply said through tears, “she was so beautiful and now she is gone.”

The Little Brother, maybe was the most like me…………… he simply didn’t seem able to take it.  Once all the “doing” was over for her funeral and he was sent back to his “normal” day-to-day routine, you could say the bottom fell out.  He to did not know what to do with this knowledge.  Knowledge that his Baby Sister he and everyone prayed so hard for, was gone……………..she was now in this place called Heaven and it was supposed to bring peace and comfort.  Yet, all around him was great sadness.  His response to his great sadness………………..retreat………..retreat under the desk, in the closet, under the Christmas tree and in the bathroom.  And we didn’t know what he was thinking because he refused to discuss.  However, as they say, actions can speak louder than words so we concluded he was simply as broken and confused as anyone.

Thank to selfless, dedicated teachers going way beyond the scope of their job descriptions, Little Brother began to retreat a little less, and less.  He began to talk just a little but just enough.  One day, his teacher told me to check his folder.  He had written a poem.  I was a little nervous as to what he might write.  I was thinking his favorite (potty humor) or something angry.  I thought…………wrong.  The Little Brother had possibly been sold short.  He hadn’t been shut down as much as possibly he was giving this place Heaven a great deal of thought.  And while under those desks he had been painting this comforting picture………………..


Just at the gate

Is where you’ll find your fate.

As you see in the bright night

Just coming through

Just follow me and the moon rises

Just come with me

I’ll do as you wish

By the river full of fish

As I lead the way

To the gate of your faith,

Just as we pass trees in peace,

As long as you stay with me

You’ll never be lost,

As the owl flies up in the night sky

You’ll always have your way with me

Just follow me

The gate of your faith

It’s just so hard

To resist the feeling.

(The Little Brother, 2nd grade)

So…………..I wonder, is this what Baby Girl  heard when God Called Her Home?

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Filed under NaBloPoMo, Precious Baby Girl

Things that make you go……………..

Master of the Mind

You know the saying……………..Things that make you go, HMMMMM.  So do I…………..in a real up close and personal way.  

One thing that made me go, HMMMMM.  The above photo.  Just look at him, cool as a cucumber, chillin like a villain, hangin like a tie………well…………..you get the idea.  Just moments ago, I caught Johnny in the act of doing virtually nothing.  It is like he has a switch and he just turned it off.  Because believe me, this is not a accurate  depiction of the Johnny we all know and love.  Weeellll, maybe it is, because I should have learned by now, the only laws of nature that Johnny follows are……………..Johnny’s.

Johnny starts his routine at the crack of dawn.  This routine generally involves starting the day with a heaping bowl of cereal and a random string of consciousness that defies all laws of caffeine consumption.  That is, good luck on keeping up.

For example, this morning………………..I was trying to get (with all boys in tow) to my glamorous substitute teaching job.  Johnny was not quite on board with all things real this morning.  Finally, frustrated I plead………….Johnny, reality please, reality.  To which he replies…………”Sooo, Mom, do you think all that exposure to Toxic Waste has finally made me crazy.  My response…………(nothing).  To which he replies…………”seriously, it could happen.”

Enough of that…………..I move past the Toxic Waste argument and focus on the ensemble he has selected for school.  Now, THAT was an eye opener……….Black shorts, white fruit of the loom t-shirt and white socks pulled up to his calves.  When I strongly recommended (okay, insisted he change) I learned something new about his school.  Apparently, (according to Johnny) there do not happen to be any “fashion critics” at his school.”

Because I had to get to school, I resisted the urge to repeatedly bang my head on my kitchen counter.

Fast forward to our evening…………………..Family night at the Book Fair.  I’m a sucker for books and The Brothers know it.  But I do have my limits.  For instance, I have to consider how many times in a 5 minute period I want to hear Johnny repeat the book word for word.  Imagine my hesitancy when he picked up Mysteries of the Strange and Unexplained.  Upon looking at one page he proudly proclaimed, “See, I knew aliens were real.”  Ooops, Big Mistake, book is going back, thought I.”  Always fast on his feet, he back peddles.  “No, No, I mean everyone knows Aliens are just real people born with a defect,  who like to go around playing practical jokes on people.  Guess all those UFO chasers……….the jokes on you.

Johnny peruses the book further.  OOoohhhh, the luck, A YETTI!!!  “Just wait till I scare Little Brother with this.  THAT’S IT, NO WAY, GIVE ME THE BOOK!!

No, Mommy, no.  I will just tell Little Brother that it isn’t a YETTI.  I will tell him that it is a Big White Gorilla, that got stuck in THE ARTIC!!

Soooo………….I’d like to confess to you, Dear Reader, I have officially, unofficially, officially lost my mind and I purchased this literary gem.  

I sat in my room listening to the read aloud of this literary masterpiece and considered my buyers remorse.  Taking the high road I decided to go with out of earshot, off my nerves.  In comes Johnny’s requested presence.  With all the Mommy niceness I can muster I kindly ask him to close my door.  His reply………………………………YETTI!

Things that make you go…………………………….DRINK PLEASE.

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Filed under Johnny P, NaBloPoMo

Mirror, mirror…..

Ten Years Ago….

Ten years ago, my life was soooo simple.  Looking back, that is………in reality it was always something.  Ten years ago I had three baby boys, ages 3, 1 and newborn.

I was breathing a sigh of relief that The Captain had returned from Iraq safe, sound and just in time for the Little Brother’s birth.  I recall my biggest worries being potty training and sleeping through the night.  Now, don’t get me wrong, these are huge deals when you are a sleep deprived Mommy trying to convince someone that going on the potty for a few M&M’s is the deal of a lifetime.  Said child was not and has never been that gullible.  Also, sleep has never been that popular with any of The Brothers.

More experienced, perhaps wiser Mom’s would tell me this time will be over before you know it.  Another favorite, “just wait, this is the easy part.”

Today I am pondering how this statement, suddenly, became my truth.  More specifically, how this truth has affected my whole person, both inside and out.  With three baby boys, the effect on my  appearance seemed more cosmetic.  My insides matched my outsides, shall we say.  Inside I was frazzled, thinking, what the heck am I doing, I may never sleep again, and will my rear end forever touch the back of my knees when I walk?

Physically,  you could see, I was frazzled and I was sleep deprived.  This was obvious from my deer in the headlights look, accompanied by the most striking ebony circles and cloud like puffs that surrounded my eyes.  Never did I believe that these would be the good ol days.

Fast forward ten years and my face has, a much different look.  Yes, I still have a bit of that deer in headlights look but for other reasons.  Three years ago, it was from wondering how I was going to care for two children with special needs.  I was just really wrapping my head around autism (well at least trying to) when we discovered our new baby would have an extra chromosome.  Autism and Down Syndrome, what were we going to do?

Three years later and we are still wondering what we are going to do.  Again, it is different.  That scary time, three years and a half years ago, now seems like the good ol days.  Scary time that still had hope.

Where are we now?  Well, now that look of bewilderment is still from wondering what we are going to do.  Now our Sweet Baby Girl, whose unknown beauty and joy,  caused us anxiety and fear is gone and in the truest sense of the words,  we wonder, what are we going to do?

Instead of the puffiness of sleep deprivation from ten years ago,  the softness is gone.  Where I once was round and puffy and naive to death, loss and grief, I now have lines and the sharper features that come with the loss of such innocence.  Such grief leaves your whole being in a proverbial Deer in the Headlight state as you wonder what became of  your softness, hope and innocence…………….once upon a time.

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Filed under Johnny P, NaBloPoMo, Precious Baby Girl

Mind Meld

Which cape would you chose?

NaBloPoMo – Day 6

Soooooo………….Superhero’s,  The Brother’s have always been a fan.  The first hero ever to receive homage in our hallowed halls were the Power Rangers.  I remember a certain humid DC summer day shoving popsicles into The Big Brother because he refused to take off his vinyl Red Ranger costume and I was certain he was going to sweat off a good five pounds.  Alas, he did not………….must’ve been his super powers.

We still have the cherished costume, which would no long fit over The Big Brothers ankle, as well as many others.  Not to mention Johnny’s beloved Batman.  My point………..I don’t know……………just suffice it to say, given this resource I thought today’s topic would be a cinch.

What am I pondering?  “If  I had the superpower to know what everyone was thinking (but not saying) would you use it?  I did not want to rush to a decision, so I thought I would consult my experts…………The Brothers.  I thought this would be the beginning of three great conversations……………….I thought wrong!

Boys being boys (at least The Brothers being The Brothers) I discovered it is a complete waste of any of your brain power, super or not, to attach any deep meaning to their super hero desires.  The moving dialog went something like this…………….

Mommy – (Being very nonchalant) started with Johnny.  My thought, my Batman loving boy will be able to discuss this forever, I mean, he is the boy who follows me around reciting Batman factoids, right?  Again…………wrong!  Turns out, Johnny only discusses his obsessions on his own terms.

Me – Johnny, if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Johnny – (Unimpressed)  I would have a death ray.

Me – (With great interest) Why?

Johnny – Because.

Me – Because why?

Johnny – I want to be able to blow things up.

(Next verse, same as the first)  Suffice it to say, he just wants to blow things up.

Next up……….The Big Brother.  Now, I thought, this could be a little trickier, being that he is to cool for school and all that.  He was game (weeelllll, he humored me).

Me – Big Brother, if you could have a super power which one would you want?

Big Brother – (Looking at me like I had finally really lost it, responded quickly) Superman.

Me – But what power of Superman.

Big Brother – All of them.

Me – (Not a quitter) Why?

Big Brother – Because he’s Superman.

Yes, Dear Reader, it was a classic Whose on First conversation.

So I try again.  But why Superman, which super power.

Big Brother (sounding sadly like me before I blow) I JUST WOULD WANT TO BE SUPERMAN AND I WANT ALL OF HIS SUPER POWERS.  I JUST DO.  NO REASON.

Guess he told me.  This research wasn’t going as I planned.  Thus far, I gained no deep insight into the workings of the little male mind.     Not a quitter, I forge ahead.  There is, after all, one last brother to poll.  So, I go in search of the Little Brother,  use the element of surprise, and pose the question of his super power desires.

Little Brother – I would be invincible.  

Me – Really?

Little Brother – Yep.  Cause I don’t want anything bad to happen to me.  If I’m invincible, nothing will.  Period.  End of story.  He exits the room.

Me, however, I am left with my mouth hanging open.  Of all boys, the Little Brother, used the element of surprise on me.  For the past almost 2 years now, since his Little Sister left us, I have been trying with all my power to get into this boys mind.  Find out what he is thinking.  Wanting to know the exact way to help  him come out from under his proverbial desk.  In one super moment he finally gave me some insight………….He just wants to be safe.  He doesn’t want any more bad things to happen to him.  Who can blame him.

I guess that answers my question.  Would I want to have the power to know what others are thinking?  When it comes to my three Little Men, for more moments like these……..without a doubt…………… YES!! !!!

Period.  End of story.



Filed under Johnny P, NaBloPoMo

In Rear View – It’s Possible

Another week down.  My plan is to give a condensed glimpse of my “Rear View” each week.  I assumed this would be a very doable plan……………and, well, you know what they say when you assume.

The problem does not lie in not having anything to write about (I wish).  O’Contrare…………….as  adventures in autism and the  general chaotic go…………let’s just say……….NO shortage here.  The problem lies in relying on my own feeble mind that is trying to organize my brain to hold on to so much, that thoughts and ideas fall out as soon as they make it in.  Thus, Mama is generally running on negative brainpower…………….or truth be told, I feed off of the frenetic energy that is a one dependable constant.  So, Mama fueled by Chaos + (-) brainpower = weeeelllll, Sciences and math were never really my thing so for our purposes let’s just say……………Mama is gone and “lost” her mind.

Weellll, I’ll just let you read and you be the judge.

Johnny's First Day

Brotherly Motto – Never let your Guard Down!

A big highlight………Johnny started at a new school this week.  I spent a great deal of energy worrying about him in a new school and not knowing anyone.  Wondering if he will make friends?  Will there be the classmate with the mothering instinct to take him under her wing (that is usually the case)

Johnny’s report thus far is that the kids are nice.  His exact description……

Me – Johnny, are the kids in your class nice?

Johnny – (zero enthusiasm) Yeah.

Me – Who do you sit by?

Johnny – I don’t know his name.  But I asked him to be quiet and stop annoying me.

Guess I should have spent more time on his people skills……….

On his teachers……………..

Me – How is your teacher?

Johnny – Nice.

(See where this is going)

Me – Have you talked to her?

Johnny – Yeah.  She tried to talk to me while I was eating lunch.  I told her I just wanted to eat.

Guess Johnny isn’t as worried about the friend thing as I am.

One thing Johnny is pretty excited about this week is a new Lego toy.  He  has put in his mind (cause things never fall out of his brain)  that if he is good at school he will earn a new toy.  His idea NOT mine.  He shared this idea with his teacher….

Johnny – I told my teacher I could maybe get a toy if I am good at school.

Me – Oh yeah, what did she say?

Johnny – She said it’s possible.  Soooo, what do you think?

Me -(Thinking, NO)  I don’t know Johnny.  It’s POSSIBLE.

And with these words I am in LOVE with his new teacher.  I never have to say NO to him again.  It’s Possible, is like the new Definite Maybe.  Could mean yes, could mean no…………and right now, Johnny is a little confused what I mean by this.  He thinks it has a positive tone to it, though.  So it has not deterred him from his never ending quest for a lego set.  Whenever he asks me for something, he replies, it’s possible, right, Mommy?  I suppose, Johnny, it’s possible.  See what I mean?

Crazy making chaos, it’s like the gift that keeps giving.

To do his part to keep the crazy train going, The Big Brother announced his Science Fair project.  Let’s just say it involves purchasing those pesky insects most pay money to get rid of.  But he did more than that to contribute to the train ride.

See, Big Brother suffers from a common condition of submitting a form to be completed and signed by Mom as we are walking out the door.  This time I said NO!!!  Stop the INSANITY!  And it was the band form.  And it was Band Day!  As we walk out the door I see his instrument lying in the living room.

Me – Get your Trombone!

Big Brother – I can’t.

Me – What do you mean, You Can’t?

Big Brother – Well, you didn’t fill out the form, so technically I’m not in band.

And Yes, I heard the familiar White Noise in my head.  He should consider himself lucky that I did not take his trombone and turn it into a nice, shiny necklace, technically.  Hey, it’s still possible.

The Little Brother is doing his part on the train ride.  He already stayed home from school, sick…….intestinal distress.  Always one to believe in his own popularity, he said, “Mommy, aren’t you glad I stayed home?  That way you don’t have to be alone?”  Uuuhhhh, I’ll get back to you on that………….just as soon as I clean up the overflowing toilet.  Nothing says quality time like intestinal distress and plumbing problems.

I was only going to give the Monday through Friday highlights, BUT as LUCK would have it, the weekend did not disappoint…….

Now Saturday, how do I even describe.  I can’t.  Soooo, I will just dive in.

Saturday morning The Captain took Big Brother to a car wash fundraiser and baseball game.  Mommy took Little Brother around the neighborhood selling popcorn for scouts.  Johnny stayed home and made more lists of Legos I could possibly by him.

Saturday afternoon we met up at Big Brother’s baseball game.  After game, head to parking lot.  At last, Mommy is going to the mall for some alone time.  Get to the parking lot, The Captain’s car has a flat tire.  He sends me on my way and sets to changing the tire.  I just darkened the door of the mall and phone rings.  Must go rescue boys, the spare is no good.  Back I go, guess what?  No shopping.  Take boys home.  Walk in door.  Boom, big STORM.  Boom again, NO POWER!  YEAH!

My sweet boys take a cross into the basement.  The Little Brother says he’s going to pray for everyone’s safety in the storm.  He was very nervous about the storm.  Johnny was found praying to…….for electricity.  Johnny was more concerned what he was going to do with no TV.  And like I said, Johnny NEVER FORGETS.  His thoughts are in his brain like a steal trap……….

Johnny – WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH NO POWER!!!  I’M BORED!!!!!!!  THIS IS AWFUL!!!!!!! (and NO, I’m not exagerating.)

Gets Better…


So much for outsmarting Johnny.  I should know better.  It isn’t my first day on this job!

Guess the remaining question………….WILL I lose my mind?? 

Hey.  It’s possible……

Looking Back

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