Sleeping Single?

No way out!

Not only the last day of the year, but the LAST Monday of the month, as well.  Not only does this mean New Year’s Resolutions to make to be broken no later than January 2,  but it is also time to reflect on what has been a slice of perfection, for even a split second, in the last month for Perfect Moment Monday with Lori at Write Mind, Open Heart.

Not always easy, especially this month, which has held many challenges.  As I have said before, I believe I have done worn out my boot straps from pulling myself up.  Soooooooo, guess I’ll just have to buy some new ones,  as my Father’s voice continues to echo in my head, “I didn’t raise a whiner, quitter, or complainer.”  Thus my Boot Straps are on over night delivery and expect to be back on my feet……….or boots in the next 24 hours.

But while I’ve been “off of my feet” I got to thinking about what could be considered “my perfect moment” this month.  This brought me to thinking about Brotherly Love.  It seems to be an elusive, intangible bond…………..largely based on the fact that if you have Brotherly Love, you have all rights to trade their toys, eat their favorite cereal, steal their favorite book, blame them for anything missing or broken and  beat the crap out of them and you are still assured you have someone to play video games with the rest of the day.  I guess that’s what makes Brothers “lucky.”  

However, this is not something  I think that Johnny, The Big and The Little Brother are giving much thought.  I do think they enjoy having a “punching bag” though.  It is why I enjoy having a basement door.

Anywhoooooo, as I was saying……………..Brotherly Love, Perfect Moments……………not easy to combine.  But alas, I have………

Our home provides enough space that each Brother could have his own room.  However, it does not work that way.  Birth order having its privileges, The Big Brother does have his own room.  Johnny and The Little Brother, they share.  Why? Weellll, it must be character building, right?

Truth of the matter is, The Brothers are about the only friends Johnny really has.  A nasty side effect of Autism.  It makes me really sad at times but does not seem to rattle Johnny too much.  He is a solo operator.  Another reason it has always been so important for us that The Brothers learn to stick it out and stick together.

Mostly Johnny and The Little Brother get along just fine in their room together.  A little bit like the odd couple but mostly okay.  Except lately.  Lately, there has been some grumbling.  Johnny is a very early riser and not always quiet about it.  Causing The Little Brother to be up as well.  Causing a lot of “arguing” early in the morning.  On the other hand when Johnny is ready to go to sleep, do NOT get in his way.

Soooo, I started to think, maybe it’s time.  Maybe they need their “own space”.  I started to devise a plan for the “break-up” to happen over Christmas break.  Shared my plan with The Captain.  He was not “on board.”  His reasoning, “Johnny spends enough time alone, The Little Brother is his best buddy, I know he’s  9, but Little Brother is going to take one for the team.”

Hmmmm………….guess The Captain needs more convincing.  I was mulling all this over until one night……………………

Bedtime………………….and NOT a peaceful one.  Johnny and The Little Brother are at it.  Pointing fingers and I quote, “You’re annoying, NO YOU’RE annoying…….(get the picture)

Enter Mommy……………KNOCK IT OFF!!!  Johnny, “Mom, he’s annoying make him stop doing those noises.”  Now……..let me just say this never fails to crack me up when Johnny points the finger because he has just a few quirky ways.  Mommy had had it, NOT listening to anymore so I throw up my hands and BELLOW, “That’s it!!!  Johnny, get your things, you can sleep in your own room.  This news stops him in his tracks.  “WHAT?”

Johnny gathers up all things Batman and prepares to move.  “Where to?”  I tell him to Cousin Amber’s Old room.  So, he peaks out the door at the quiet, still room across the hall.  Then he turns and looks at his room.  All is quiet as he contemplates life on “his own.”  Next he looks at me, I continue to stare.  Finally, he speaks…………..”Mom, Can’t you just tell LITTLE BROTHER to stop being ANNOYING.”

Up pipes Little Brother……….”OH YEAH!, YOU’RE ANNOYING!”  In I chime………………Do YOU want to move to your own room?  A look of panic comes across his little face……………………No.

So in true Mommy style I state, with authority, “BOTH OF YOU, STOP BEING ANNOYING AND GO TO SLEEP.”

I turn and exit the room.   As I leave I feel a ping of joy and warm fuzzies………………………..Brotherly Love, True Brotherly Love……………maybe for more than a “moment.”

All was Right

It is the last “Monday” of the month, and I am joining Lori at Write Mind Open Heart to reflect and share on what is right, maybe even perfect in our world for a moment in time.

No………….it is NOT a typo, you read correctly, it is called Perfect Moment Monday.  Yes……………..I know it is TUESDAY but I thought about my perfect moment on Monday………………..if that counts?  However, life got a little in the way on Monday and now, here I am, writing from my own personal time machine.  So, Dear Reader, please humor me and play along.  Please and thank you!

As has been said, “The best things in life aren’t things at all.”  They can’t be bought, wrapped and put under a tree.  At times they appear in what you believe to be the mundane of your life.  Not at all in those moments marketed to be perfect.

Case in point, the child, who shall remain nameless, that looks at disappointment at his gifts on Christmas Morning when he realizes you really meant he was getting that rated M for mature game.   I had already sent my own letter to Santa, was my reply.  Sad child, frustrated parent, not so perfect.

I did not have high expectations of Thanksgiving either.  When you have lost a family member, no matter the age, you struggle through the day to not be filled with grief and longing for your loved one.  This was especially tough since our Precious Madeline’s anniversary is in November and we were struggling so with this 2 year milestone.

However, for her Brothers, we knew we must pull something together and present the makings of a holiday.  Possibly complete with a new tradition.  Shake it up a bit and give all of us something to anticipate.  Something with potential for fun.  So that’s what we did.  With “four” boys in our home who love history, we headed to Gettysburg the day after Thanksgiving.  Excitement abounded……………for The Brothers, as we were going to stay in a hotel WITH a pool.  Not something we do much of so they were pretty happy.

Of course, hotel life and all looks good……………….. on paper.  Actually having The Brothers together in confining quarters is a different story.  Paper………………. not as pretty.  We did get a little front room with a pull out sleeper and t.v., etc.  Best idea Captain Daddy ever had.  Despite our suite,  after the car drive and some museum time, The Brothers weren’t really feeling “Brotherly Love.”  If my ears didn’t deceive me disparaging remarks were flying under their breaths.

Particularly difficult is managing some of Johnny’s autistic behaviors on the road.  Being away can stir up a great deal of anxiety.  And Brother being “good” brothers…………….they don’t always display much sympathy and there is a lot of OMG STOP IT, JUST STOP IT.  (By all concerned)

So where, you may be thinking, was there any perfect moments in THIS SCENARIO.  Like I said before…………….it came out of nowhere, when I was expecting the fists to start flying I discovered this……………….

Things got quiet, so I walked into the suite (cracks me up to call it that) to see if they had left and what to my astonished eyes did I see?  The Big Brother and Johnny, the MOST unlikely pair, lying side by side on the bed, with their legs touching…..yes, touching………….. and then I noticed their hands.  Their hands were pressed together in that way of comparing and then it happened, their fingers locked together.  What an absolute perfect sight for my sad eyes.  My heart filled to see Big Brother and Johnny sharing this time, albeit brief, when they were at peace and all was right in our little life for that Perfect Moment.

That’s the Facts

“There’s a time you got to go and show 
You’re growin’ now you know about 
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life. 

When the world never seems 
to be livin up to your dreams 
And suddenly you’re finding out 
the Facts of Life are all about you, you. “

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/

I feel the need to follow-up on what I will now refer to as “The pants incident.”  Dear reader,  if you are lost please refer to my previous post, entitled, most appropriately, “Keep your pants on……literally.”

So………………this morning I send Johnny off to school feeling pretty confident that all pants will remain in their proper position.  One, because The Captain and I gave extensive speeches last night on keeping your privates, well, private.  I thought we did some pretty darn good parenting.  However, I have to humbly admit that what Johnny probably heard was much like Charlie Brown  when he was lectured.  So……let’s just say what his primary motivation for proper pants placement…………..you guessed it……………the stop in your tracks fear of spending the rest of the school year sentenced to the daily wearing of church pants.  Yep, I believe that little behavior modification was the supreme motivator.  Mom and Dad can go away for the school day………church pants………not so much.

Johnny kept this information fresh in his mind.  Yeeeeaaaaah, Mom…………………only one glitch……………I seem to have missed a very important notice that came home from school.  The one informing me that beginning TODAY, Johnny’s class would begin discussing………….say it isn’t so……………….. THE FACTS OF LIFE!!! (que music).

Yes, he is at that age……..much to my chagrin,  and as much as I prefer to……………I know I must keep my head out of the sand and Mom up.  Oh……….and pay better attention to the papers coming home.

I got to school to pick him up…………….he was standing at the door with his teacher…………not a good sign……ever!  Guess the “Facts of Life” was about as big a hit as algebra.  My Johnny is a literal man.  You do not tell him one day to keep it all private and then the next expect him to remain calm when what he is to keep covered is now PLASTERED ALL OVER A POWER POINT.  From all reports not a pretty scene.  Can you blame him?  Guess it’s hard for all to focus when Johnny is bellowing what all the other boys are  thinking, “GET ME OUT OF HERE, I DON’T LIKE THIS, I’M UNCOMFORTABLE.”  

Teacher’s suggestion……………..modified Facts of Life………….wonder what that leaves out.

Walking to the car…………..Johnny trailing behind pleading, “I can’t take that class, I can’t talk about puberty, I’M NOT EVEN A TEENAGER!!!  Good point, Johnny, Good point…………………now, let’s go find some sand………….. I feel the need to bury my head.

Keep your pants on…LITERALLY

Mommy’s Brave Face

Today I will be writing under the heading, “Never a dull moment” or better………… perhaps…………….., “The Once Again Futile Attempt to fly under the proverbial radar.”  Yeeeepppp……………………..I think that sums it up.  But Blessed are the Brief, so I will sum it up like this………………DRINK PLEASE!!

I get it, I know…………..Life is not easy and No One ever said it was, Life is not fair either and yeah, yeah………..I know…………..Sweet Darlin, no one ever promised you a rose garden.  I think roses aren’t actually necessary,  and at this point I would settle for some garden variety marigolds or even some of those pretty little white “flowers” we used to make “necklaces” out of when we were little.  But I digress…………………..

Anywhooo………………… with all of this knowledge of  ease and fairness, I ask you Dear Reader…………………can’t some things be easy, even a given……….like getting your kids to do the basics…………………you know, homework, brush their teeth, KEEP THEIR PANTS ON AT SCHOOL!!!!!!!

As I have said before, Johnny has been in school for a LOOOONNNNG time.  About 8 years now.  I like to think we got this down.  We know the ropes, when I tell him, “have a good day”, I suppose I should not have neglected to mention……………….AND KEEP YOUR PANTS PROPERLY FASTENED AROUND YOUR WAIST!!!!!!!!!!!  If you have a child that instinctively does this……………..GOD BLESS YOU, cause if you, like me, can’t always take the basics for granted, you are either laughing at me or crying with me, cause you know of the fun I speak.  I have said it before, I say it again………….Autism is the gift that keeps giving………one surprise after another.  It is not for the faint of heart, that is for sure, no matter your place on the spectrum.

What behavior modification technique did I utilize to reinforce the desired behavior.  Weeellllll, I dug deep into my vast wealth of behavior modification and came up with the following pearls of behavior wisdom……………………”JOHNNY! if you do that again in school you will have to wear church clothes with buttons, hooks and belts EVERY DAY!!!”

Yep, I did it, I went with scare tactics.  Sometimes operating on fear gets sold short.

Johnny’s response – Got it.

Me – Good.  And like I never met Johnny before……………… I just had to do it, ask that one question that I know better than asking………………..why Johnny?

Johnny – Cause my brain sometimes tells me to do dumb things……….(he looks at my glaring face, recalls the closet full of khaki pants and belts and re-considers)………….but I think now my mind just told my brain that we have learned our lesson.  Good Team Work, Johnny, Good Team Work.

Now Johnny, do Mommy a favor………………have your mind tell your brain to give your Mommy a break…………. or a drink…………all under the radar, of course.

In Rear View – All Secure??!!

As I sat down to write my “Rear View” and I am drawing a blank.  If I was saavvy enough, (or not so lazy), I would wire The Brothers up with microphones and call it, “Life with Johnny – Live.”  That way you wouldn’t have to miss a moment.  Also, you might start to feel my fatigue and start bringing me meals.  Now that’s what I’m talkin about.   Or you would figure out I am a card short of a full house and someone might bring me a comfy special jacket to wear.  Naaahhhh, and miss all my life has to offer, NEVER,  okay…………….wellll, maybe.

The highlight of the week was Daddy’s (The Captain) promotion.  After 20 plus years of service in the Navy, he pinned on Captain.  It was a proud and touching moment for all of us.  Weellll, except Johnny……………. who was disappointed when he learned Daddy was “only a Captain” and “NOT an Admiral.”  We will tell Daddy to work harder, Johnny.  Here is Johnny after learning “the news.”

Trying to contain his excitement!

The ceremony was in a really, really cool building that required “special” permission to enter.  Memo to Johnny…………… security is not amused when you play tug of war with your I.D. card.  MOST people just hand it over.  Johnny is NOT most people.  He, is, AFTER ALL, Johnny for a reason.

Another distraction, the building had a bowling alley.  Before I knew what was happening (a familiar theme) Johnny and The Little Brother were in search of an 8 pound ball and bumper guards.  No fun to be at a Daddy’s ceremony (in a really cool place)  if there is bowling just an elevator ride away.  Thank goodness there were cookies or they might have grabbed a cab…………..or a limo.

Since being trapped at a ceremony wasn’t enough fun for him, we followed up with a full day at Big Brother’s baseball game.  Big Brother playing baseball is the gift that just keeps giving…………..Johnny a fit.  And since last weeks game involved 2 extra hours in the parking lot after the game due to a flat tire, he was not full of warm fuzzies to return to the scene of the crime.  Insult to injury…………………..NO snack bar.  NACHOS are generally the only reason he makes it through.  Now Mommy had to pack a cooler AND a big brown grocery sack like we couldn’t be away from our pantry for more than an hour.  Good thing I got numb to being stared at a LONG TIME AGO!!

Here is Johnny enjoying yet another one of his Brother’s baseball games……………………GO TEAM!.  Weeelllllll, that is what he is thinking……………….I’m positive………………….you be the Judge……..

Go Team!!!

Johnny does like to use his time at these events to ponder lifes questions.  And they are better answered bellowed at your brother in the dug out like this………………………….

“HEY, BIG BROTHER, DOES YOUR SCOUT TROOP TAKE A TRANQUILIZER GUN CAMPING FOR WHEN YOU ARE ATTACKED BY BEARS???”

Don’t think he did the batter any favors.

Along for all the fun this weekend was The Grandma and Grandpa.  Johnny was excited to have them and didn’t want them to leave.  Or as he said, “Grandma, why don’t you stick around till Halloween so Grandpa can dress up like Jabba the Hut?”  Touching………………….huh?

Johnny and I drove Grandma and Grandpa to the airport today.  Johnny asked, “HEY! why don’t we go on a plane anymore?!”

Me – Weeeelllll, because it costs A LOT of money!

Grandma – Johnny, you just tell me when you want to come and we will put you on a plane.

Johnny – Said nothing, but EYES got really, really big.

I don’t know if those eyes were in disbelief that he might have scored an airplane trip……………………… OR he was already thinking all the fun he was going to have with security.  If this happens……………..stay tuned to your National News.

Cause that’s how Johnny “rolls”. ……………..regardless of the view point.………..or security.

In Rear View – It’s Possible

Another week down.  My plan is to give a condensed glimpse of my “Rear View” each week.  I assumed this would be a very doable plan……………and, well, you know what they say when you assume.

The problem does not lie in not having anything to write about (I wish).  O’Contrare…………….as  adventures in autism and the  general chaotic go…………let’s just say……….NO shortage here.  The problem lies in relying on my own feeble mind that is trying to organize my brain to hold on to so much, that thoughts and ideas fall out as soon as they make it in.  Thus, Mama is generally running on negative brainpower…………….or truth be told, I feed off of the frenetic energy that is a one dependable constant.  So, Mama fueled by Chaos + (-) brainpower = weeeelllll, Sciences and math were never really my thing so for our purposes let’s just say……………Mama is gone and “lost” her mind.

Weellll, I’ll just let you read and you be the judge.

Brotherly Motto – Never let your Guard Down!

A big highlight………Johnny started at a new school this week.  I spent a great deal of energy worrying about him in a new school and not knowing anyone.  Wondering if he will make friends?  Will there be the classmate with the mothering instinct to take him under her wing (that is usually the case). 

Johnny’s report thus far is that the kids are nice.  His exact description……

Me – Johnny, are the kids in your class nice?

Johnny – (zero enthusiasm) Yeah.

Me – Who do you sit by?

Johnny – I don’t know his name.  But I asked him to be quiet and stop annoying me.

Guess I should have spent more time on his people skills……….

On his teachers……………..

Me – How is your teacher?

Johnny – Nice.

(See where this is going)

Me – Have you talked to her?

Johnny – Yeah.  She tried to talk to me while I was eating lunch.  I told her I just wanted to eat.

Guess Johnny isn’t as worried about the friend thing as I am.

One thing Johnny is pretty excited about this week is a new Lego toy.  He  has put in his mind (cause things never fall out of his brain)  that if he is good at school he will earn a new toy.  His idea NOT mine.  He shared this idea with his teacher….

Johnny – I told my teacher I could maybe get a toy if I am good at school.

Me – Oh yeah, what did she say?

Johnny – She said it’s possible.  Soooo, what do you think?

Me -(Thinking, NO)  I don’t know Johnny.  It’s POSSIBLE.

And with these words I am in LOVE with his new teacher.  I never have to say NO to him again.  It’s Possible, is like the new Definite Maybe.  Could mean yes, could mean no…………and right now, Johnny is a little confused what I mean by this.  He thinks it has a positive tone to it, though.  So it has not deterred him from his never ending quest for a lego set.  Whenever he asks me for something, he replies, it’s possible, right, Mommy?  I suppose, Johnny, it’s possible.  See what I mean?

Crazy making chaos, it’s like the gift that keeps giving.

To do his part to keep the crazy train going, The Big Brother announced his Science Fair project.  Let’s just say it involves purchasing those pesky insects most pay money to get rid of.  But he did more than that to contribute to the train ride.

See, Big Brother suffers from a common condition of submitting a form to be completed and signed by Mom as we are walking out the door.  This time I said NO!!!  Stop the INSANITY!  And it was the band form.  And it was Band Day!  As we walk out the door I see his instrument lying in the living room.

Me – Get your Trombone!

Big Brother – I can’t.

Me – What do you mean, You Can’t?

Big Brother – Well, you didn’t fill out the form, so technically I’m not in band.

And Yes, I heard the familiar White Noise in my head.  He should consider himself lucky that I did not take his trombone and turn it into a nice, shiny necklace, technically.  Hey, it’s still possible.

The Little Brother is doing his part on the train ride.  He already stayed home from school, sick…….intestinal distress.  Always one to believe in his own popularity, he said, “Mommy, aren’t you glad I stayed home?  That way you don’t have to be alone?”  Uuuhhhh, I’ll get back to you on that………….just as soon as I clean up the overflowing toilet.  Nothing says quality time like intestinal distress and plumbing problems.

I was only going to give the Monday through Friday highlights, BUT as LUCK would have it, the weekend did not disappoint…….

Now Saturday, how do I even describe.  I can’t.  Soooo, I will just dive in.

Saturday morning The Captain took Big Brother to a car wash fundraiser and baseball game.  Mommy took Little Brother around the neighborhood selling popcorn for scouts.  Johnny stayed home and made more lists of Legos I could possibly by him.

Saturday afternoon we met up at Big Brother’s baseball game.  After game, head to parking lot.  At last, Mommy is going to the mall for some alone time.  Get to the parking lot, The Captain’s car has a flat tire.  He sends me on my way and sets to changing the tire.  I just darkened the door of the mall and phone rings.  Must go rescue boys, the spare is no good.  Back I go, guess what?  No shopping.  Take boys home.  Walk in door.  Boom, big STORM.  Boom again, NO POWER!  YEAH!

My sweet boys take a cross into the basement.  The Little Brother says he’s going to pray for everyone’s safety in the storm.  He was very nervous about the storm.  Johnny was found praying to…….for electricity.  Johnny was more concerned what he was going to do with no TV.  And like I said, Johnny NEVER FORGETS.  His thoughts are in his brain like a steal trap……….

Johnny – WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH NO POWER!!!  I’M BORED!!!!!!!  THIS IS AWFUL!!!!!!! (and NO, I’m not exagerating.)

Gets Better…

Johnny – See, IF YOU HAD BOUGHT ME THOSE LEGO TOYS I TOLD YOU ABOUT AFTER SCHOOL WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS PROBLEM, I WOULD NOT BE BORED.  I WOULD HAVE NEW LEGOS!!!

So much for outsmarting Johnny.  I should know better.  It isn’t my first day on this job!

Guess the remaining question………….WILL I lose my mind?? 

Hey.  It’s possible……

Looking Back

I’m Fine…….and you?

Ready to Rule the School.

Autism.  I have not written much about this side of Johnny.   Although not readily apparent to those who meet him, it is there.  I do not like to think of Autism as who he is but it is part of him, it is one thing that makes him so unique and not merely a statistic.  A friend once said his diagnosis should be quirky.  Johnny is his OWN man.  He has his own drummer, for sure.  If you have had the pleasure of meeting him, you know what I mean.

Due in large part to early intervention and absolutely wonderful, compassionate, caring teachers, WITH an incredible sense of humor, Johnny  is very high functioning.  People that just meet us have stated, “he seems fine to me, how Autistic is he?”  To which I like to answer, “Just enough.”  Just enough to keep life interesting and everyone on their toes.  But I also want to add…………… if you only knew.  If you only knew how far he has come.  You are able to ask that question because of the long path we have walked.

Johnny started school this week.  A new year in a new school.  He is in Fifth grade now and I have to take a moment to count how many schools he has attended.  Johnny started school (pretty much full time) when he was three.  His first school bus ride was in diapers.  He was fine but I think I cried like a baby in diapers.  It just did not seem right to put this Little Guy, in diapers, on a bus.  He  rode the “special” bus.  Anyone who has put their child on this bus knows the fear and heartache.  It was not an easy decision.  But as decisions go, it has ultimately been one of the best decisions we ever made.

I just took my moment and calculated………. EIGHT………… he has now attend EIGHT schools.   A funny thing with Autism and other Spectrum Disorders is that routine and schedules are generally a “really big deal” for these kiddos.  Knowing what to expect can keep his anxiety at a low ceiling instead of a through the roof  level, which can be heart breaking to watch.  However, not all schools are equipped with Autism programs, which has made it necessary for Johnny to attend a new school each year for a few years.  This was mostly the case when he was of the pre-school age.  Add to that we are a Military Family and the numbers go up.

Sending him off this year to Fifth Grade in a new school was nerve-wracking………… for Mommy…………. he seemed fine.  His biggest concern………………when was lunch?………….and did I remember his lunch money?  Why was I nervous?  Weeellllll, let me count the ways.  Like I said, this is school Number Eight.  

Fifth grade triggered something in me.   As I was walking him to school it struck me, WOW!!! FIFTH GRADE, IN THE “REGULAR” CLASSROOM!  I remember when I didn’t think this would ever be his reality.  I couldn’t imagine him functioning in the “regular” classroom.

We have come a LONG, LONG WAY  from the pre-school days of pacing and running circles around while constantly humming to soothe himself.   Lunch time used to mean sitting in a semi-circle with a teacher at a table to eat and learn to tolerate new foods.  Going to any assembly required headphones to block out all of the noise and extra stimulation, if we could get him there at all.  On good days he would go into the “regular” classroom with an aide.  The preferred activity at recess was sitting alone in the sandbox.  Notes home read like this……….”Johnny is wearing a pair of “borrowed” socks.  His got wet because we found him standing in the toilet.  Please talk to him about this.”  NOT even making that up.  There are many similar notes.  I kept the “communication” notebooks from every class.  Actually, they are somewhat amusing.  I remember then we had to laugh or we definitely would have cried.  Proud to announce, that is the LAST time he stood in the toilet at school.  He’s moved on to other behaviors, like making sure the teacher sticks to her schedule, literally.

As the parent of a child with Autism (no matter where on the spectrum) you constantly worry about their future and ability to be independent.  I spent A LOT of time on this worry.  One of his first Pre-school teachers said it best, “Johnny is going to be fine.  He might not be a salesman, he might be the guy content to work quietly by himself but HE is going to be JUST FINE.”  It was Mommy that needed the work………..I think.

In those pre-school and early elementary years so much seemed so overwhelming.  And I’m not talking about for Johnny!  Learning to manage all these behaviors, emotions and needs was all-encompassing.  Like for all children.  We had several years where it seemed that we would have a perpetual toddler.   Part of me wanted to think, who cares, let him wear headphones and sit alone in the sandbox, he’s content.  Who cares if he plays with Thomas the Train in high school.  He’s happy.   But……………..we knew for his success and independence in life he (and we) were going to have to experience a lot of uncomfortable moments (again, like everyone).  AND we most certainly have.  There were a lot of tears of frustration in those days (Johnny and Mommy).  It was not if Mama ain’t happy, it was if Johnny ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.  Actually, it is still a little like that.

Fast forward to Fifth Grade…………….No bus………..we walked to school, WITH no complaining, thank you very much.   Johnny  isn’t big on physical exertion.  He took notebooks in his backpack, NOT diapers.  No lectures were given on playing in the toilet, just reminders about turning in our lunch money and medical forms.  He was walking into the “regular” classroom with some assistance from an aid.  His back pack was plain black, NOT Thomas the Train (which I kind of miss).  HE was telling ME his plan for doing his homework right after school.  I wasn’t having to show him a picture schedule of what he was going to do.  Instead of a bus aide walking him to the school door or Mommy holding his hand, he walked solo on the path………. turned around, “Bye Mom, see ya.”  And I heard that Pre-School teacher’s voice in my head, he’s fine, he is going to be JUST Fine.

As for me…………… weeellll, Mommy is getting better EVERY YEAR!

I’m OK, Mommy, and You?