Tag Archives: teacher humor

Friday Fun – That’s Entertainment

Not to date myself, but what is that Loverboy use to sing about?  Everybody’s Working for the Weekend?  Yeah, that’s the one.  Get everybody all pumped and ready to rock.  Uuuhhh, I DO NOT talk like this, EVER, but seems like the right attitude for some much-needed Friday Fun!  Plus it makes me sound kind of “hip”.  Alas, I know that not to be true as my Dear Niece was kind enough to point out…the quickest way to know you ARE NOT “hip” is to, in fact, use the word, “hip.”  And since all of the “Adults” I keep company with also spend their days with 5 to 13 year olds, taking groups of 30 parochial school children to Stations of the Cross, we might be working at a “hipster” deficit.  Plus a few such friends were last seen wearing Dr. Seuss hats in honor of the Beloved Author’s birthday, so we  got that going for us…

But the week got off to a Rockin start.  There I was, my head soaring in the clouds, still not down from the excitement of being cast in the 2013 DC – Listen to Your Mother show.  Thinking, THIS IS IT!!  Things are coming around, I can’t believe my luck.  Gonna start a whole new lifestyle, you know red carpets, paparrazi…restaurants that take reservations.  I got so full of this idea I even had a photographer take my picture.  Well, actually, I had to send one in for the “show”and when you are a Mom, you don’t ever really have a picture of yourself.  At least one that won’t scare the general population.

But my point, I actually had somewhat of a photo session.  Yep, fancy lighting, flashing the pearly whites, striking a pose.  Definitely, a new beginning…


Because just as soon as I finished striking a pose, I had to hurry, put on my practical corduroy’s, and hull myself over to “the school” to do some emergency substitute “teaching” in Kindergarten.  Nothing brings you down to reality faster than getting 30 five-year olds to the bathroom, hands washed, divided into 2 groups, art bags in hand, to go to “art” and “computer.”  Followed by teaching the “horrors” of not taking care on one’s teeth.  Really, it’s a priceless experience.  Especially when you are privy to such tidbits as “Little Billy” telling me he had just had his “privates x-rayed” at the Doctor, and “everything was OK, good job!”  The only thing better was hearing him repeat this to every other adult in the school.  That, Dear Readers is entertainment you can’t get just anywhere.  So, I best not disclose the location, or you will all be beatin down the door, trying to steal my job.  You know you want to.

That fun is only followed by the “how many kids can you fit in an Expedition” game.  At least I had all the “right” kids this time…take note…make sure you have the “right” kids in your car…don’t ask, just trust me on that. “How did a nail get in the tire?” of said Expedition, not such a fun game,   Would have filled you in earlier in the week but had  received a series of e-mails from “The Teacher” that the “The Little Brother” was melting down like a block of ice on a hot summer day at school.  Last seen sobbing his way into  Spanish.  Wonder if Kelly Rippa has days like this?

But it gets more real…the real low light..BANNED… from a 7th grade school function.  Yep, you read correctly, The Big Brother did not want the honor of my presence at the Science Fair.  Turns out I make him nervous.  I respected his wishes and slid in the back door.  Hey, I’m not missing this, I laid low…the Nikon hanging around my neck wasn’t too obvious.  And I never yelled, THAT’S MY BABY BOY…not once.  So, yay me!

To round out my week, I spent Dr. Seuss’s birthday in 3rd grade.  No birthday cake,  to be had, bummer.  But I learned a couple of lessons.  First, NEVER let the last kid in line close the door before you check the lock, cause it is zero fun to be locked out of a room with 30 kids.  And Second, never question why Little Bobby was chasing Little Suzie across the room while throwing her folder…cause you just might start to follow the logic…and that would be frightening.  So carry on, Little Bobby…I saw nothin.

In the meantime, while Little Bobby and Suzie are going about their business, let’s get to the point.  Friday Fun  with Hilary at Feeling Beachie.  Thanks for hosting, Hilary.  I’ll make sure Bobby and Suzy don’t throw things at this here party!

Here is what the party people are wanting to know!

This week’s statements:
1. Sometimes I ___ I am ___
2. When I wear ___ I feel ____
3. When in doubt, _____________
4. The easiest way to ______________ is to ___________.

My answers to the party people:

1.  Sometimes I am shocked to look up and find that I am NOT being followed by candid camera. (yeah, that dates me!)

2.  When I wear practical corduroy I feel sure that modeling contract is pretty much NEVER going to happen.

3.  When in doubt, wear corduroy.

4.  The easiest way to get your head out of the clouds is to have reality hit you on top of it.

Besides, who needs Red Carpets when you got Substitute Teaching…Now THAT’S Entertainment, right there!  Happy Friday…Have a drink on me and may your corduroy be snappy and shoes not too sensible.



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Friday Fun – Let the Good Times Roll

Hilary at Feeling Beachie says it is time for some Friday Fun!  I’m in.  I’m all about the good time.   After you read, I’m sure you will agree.

Just today I had more fun than one individual should be allowed by law.  In fact, when word of my day spreads, I’m sure there will be an investigation.  You can’t go willy-nilly  living your life in such a wildin your face manner without expecting to pay the piper.  I mean, what would become of society.  We’re already in a world of hurt, state of utter mayhem, so please, after you read, keep it under wraps…please?  And thank you.

Okay, okay, I’ll stop baiting you and just get on with it.  I’m sorry I cannot give out my personal information such as address and phone numbers so you could come cavorting but like I said, we don’t need any authorities involved.  Okay, enough teasing…here goes.  Hold on to your hat!

Well, TWICE, yes I said TWICE this week I was the substitute librarian at the school.  I got to use the cool checker inner thingy.  LOVE that thing!  And I got to read to little people.  I even got a round of applause.  Yay me!  Not too bad, if I do say so myself.  They loved my dramatic interpretation of “Arthur’s Big Valentine”.    Eat your heart out, Shakespeare!

So today, with Johnny in tow, I make my grand entrance into the school.  All ready to use the checker inner thingy, sip some coffee, practice the Dewey Decimal System,  then make a dash and get Johnny to his school.  Like I said, too much fun, is just that…too much.  And just as I expected the authorities got all involved.  Yep, that’s right…The Vice Principal.  Not the total Big Guns, but big enough to know the party was over.  Cause she was waiting to inform me, that NO, I was not going to sip coffee and recite the Dewey Decimal System.  And forget about the checker inner thingy.

She told me to pack it up, cause, I was going to… say it isn’t so… to TEACH MIDDLE SCHOOL GRAMMAR.  Like I was tolding you say it ain’t so!  Just like that, without warning, I was sacrificed to the Middle School Wing where all I could see for miles (well, maybe feet) were a whole lot of kids a whole lot taller than ME!

That’s okay, though, I walk small but carry a mean stick.

And after a short time it was pretty clear that not much has changed in the Middle School classroom since I was on the other side of the desk, a few too many years ago to mention.  Yep, the game, pull one over on the sub is still alive and well.

Problem for them, I KNOW ALL THEIR NAMES.  My kid is in their class and  I know their parents phone numbers!  So, WHY, would they think I would not notice if they all sat in a different seat.  I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed but I can read a seating chart!  Geesh, some credit please!  Or like I told them…and I thought you were smart kids.

Oh yeah, and kids, if what you claimed were the teachers rules, NOBODY would hate Middle School…EVER!  Despite the social torture… with that kind of resort classroom environment, everyone would be so darn happy, having so much fun, there wouldn’t be time to mentally torture your peers!

Heck, maybe I would have even liked Middle School and even my Dear ol Dad said he never wanted me back in Middle School.  Guess I was just that delightful.  But I digress…

And another piece of exciting news…again…don’t tell the fun police…IT’S OFFICIAL… After today, I have officially subbed in every grade in the school.  From pre-school to 8th grade.  Now that’s a solid resume, right there.  But, alas, you know what they say, Jack of all trades, master of none.  Guess the party’s over.

But not until I get to the Four Friday Fill In…

This week’s statements:
1. Sometimes I _____ that is why______
2. All I ___________ for ______________ is ____________.
3. I _____________ therefore ____________.
4. McDonalds’ is _______________ and ______________.

What I have to say about all of this fun

1.  Sometimes I can’t get enough of a good time that is why I substitute teach.

2.  All I ever wanted for myself is to enjoy what I do all day.

3.  I am a twisted individual therefore I have a twisted idea of what is an enjoyable day.

4.  McDonalds’ is a perfect example of a horrible meal and I am in their drive thru on a regular basis.  Not proud, it’s just the facts.  And remember, I said I’m all about a good time.

So, with that in mind…HAVE A DRINK ON ME and LET THE GOOD TIME’S ROLL!  McDonald’s diet cokes for everyone!!!!



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Cape, please…

super sub teacherCareer woman…that’s me!  I have an illustrious career as a SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.  In the Catholic School, no less, so you KNOW I am making some pretty big bank.  Making bank–makes me sound pretty cool, huh?  Except the fact that I just used the word cool, pretty much clues you into the fact that I–am NOT!  I am okay with that…really.  I gave up that ghostlong time ago.  That…and any clothing item with the word skinny included.

Why, Substitute teaching?  Weelll, I kind of like it.  You’re like a Super Hero.  Coming in and saving the day, and the school, from potential chaos and collapse when Mrs. Regular Teacher has a sudden emergency.  You get to slap on your temporary I.D., sensible shoes, practical outfit, hop into your Super Hero Mini-Van and you are off to save the day.  Oh yeah, and shape and model young minds.  That took it a little far, huh?

Actually, I have learned A LOT substitute teaching.  Like,  I can think on my feet like nobodies business.  For example, the day the music teacher left lesson plans that called for an I-Pad.  Uh, problem, not an I-Pad to be found.  Solution…talent show.  Those kids are NOT shy.  Just have to remember next time to set better ground rules.  No hand springs or jokes that begin with…”So, these 2 guys went into a bar.”  But impressive talent.  Note to self, get The Brothers piano lessons.

And those notes the teachers leave to tell me who is line leader, etc.  Totally, not necessary.   I sub a lot in first grade and kindergarten.  Those kiddos are power-hungry and control freaks.  They give me that info before we walk through the door.

Lesson number TWO… I wish I would have paid better attention in math class.  Although I can think on my feet, it stinks when I have to use it to cover up that potentially 80% of the room knows way more than I do.

Oh yeah, and if anybody wants my opinion, technology is over-rated.  The smart board, weelll, turns out that stands for you have to be really smart to use it in the first place.  I had a student try to comfort me with the fact that, “It’s okay, my Mom had to go to a 2-day class to learn to use it.”  Thanks, kid.  I say, BRING BACK THE CHALK BOARD!  Those kids LOVE jobs.  If they think line leader is where it is at, they haven’t lived until they have cleaned erasers.

Also, the chalk board never requires a new bulb or a password that I can never remember.  Plus I have to admit, I love writing on a chalkboard.

Catholic school or not, those kids are a rough crowd.  You screw up once, and they are ALL OVER YOU!!  THAT’S NOT HOW MRS. REGULAR TEACHER DOES IT!!  “Yeah, well, do you see her here?”  Actually, that is just my inside voice.

They are pretty cool to.  Like the day an entire 3rd grade class took pity as we banded together to help Mrs. Substitute Teacher figure out the smart board.  Or in kindergarten someone usually throws you a bone and declares their feelings of utter joy that you are their teacher that day with a big gluey hug.   Weelll, just as long as I don’t screw up their schedule.

Today I took my life in my own hands and ventured into a complete new substitute teacher category…Pre-School.  They may look cute enough.  But they are the toughest of the tough.  I stood with a big, pre-school teacher smile, complete with sweet, peppy voice when one-by-one, I was greeted with, “Who are YOU?”  And their voice was not so sweet.  I was banished from “center” after “center” as I tried to find my place.  I was not wanted in the “kitchen”.  For the tea party I was admonished when I tried to “enjoy” my plastic cookie.  “It’s not time to eat yet, I’ll call you when it is.”

On I go to the lego table where I am flat-out told that “no, he did NOT like what I built.  And ripped it from my hands to show me the right way to do it.  I didn’t tell him, nobody likes a know it all!

Then I move to the sensory table.  Those kiddos were mesmerized by the corn meal flowing through their fingers…they didn’t even pay me the time of day!  I had had enough rejection, I moved on.

You want to know what you DON’T KNOW, go to pre-school.  For instance, I was so excited when the felt board was pulled out.  I remember thinking those were the BEST.  I did not hesitate to jump right in with Little “Joe” for some bonding and felt snowman making.  This was my place, I’ll be welcomed here!  I thought…WRONG.  Turns out, according to “Joe”  I actually stink at making felt snowman, and mine were immediately discarded.  Just because he made a felt snowman gerbil, he thought he was all that.

I felt badly though.  Turns out this snowman gerbil was made to pay homage to his Dear Departed gerbil who had moved on to a better place.  “I’m sorry”, I said, when he shared this sad tale with me.  “That’s okay, it wasn’t YOUR fault.”  Thanks, kid.

Snack time…NOW we’re talking.  I could pass that subject any time, any day, any grade.  WRONG…so excited that I received a personal invite to sit with the girls.  I happily pull out my orange.  “That’s your snack?”, they said, noses curled.  WOW!  I want my Mommy!

The best part of Substitute Teaching in a school with a crucifix in every room.  Instant behavior modification.  Just look at the kid, point at the cross and stick out your lower lip and declare, “would HE want you to behave this way.”  So, I guess, the biggest lesson I have learned…if you can’t beat em, join em….EXTRA RECESS?…anyone?anyone?

In the meantime, I will just press my cape.

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That’s the Facts

“There’s a time you got to go and show 
You’re growin’ now you know about 
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life. 

When the world never seems 
to be livin up to your dreams 
And suddenly you’re finding out 
the Facts of Life are all about you, you. “

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/

I feel the need to follow-up on what I will now refer to as “The pants incident.”  Dear reader,  if you are lost please refer to my previous post, entitled, most appropriately, “Keep your pants on……literally.”

So………………this morning I send Johnny off to school feeling pretty confident that all pants will remain in their proper position.  One, because The Captain and I gave extensive speeches last night on keeping your privates, well, private.  I thought we did some pretty darn good parenting.  However, I have to humbly admit that what Johnny probably heard was much like Charlie Brown  when he was lectured.  So……let’s just say what his primary motivation for proper pants placement…………..you guessed it……………the stop in your tracks fear of spending the rest of the school year sentenced to the daily wearing of church pants.  Yep, I believe that little behavior modification was the supreme motivator.  Mom and Dad can go away for the school day………church pants………not so much.

Johnny kept this information fresh in his mind.  Yeeeeaaaaah, Mom…………………only one glitch……………I seem to have missed a very important notice that came home from school.  The one informing me that beginning TODAY, Johnny’s class would begin discussing………….say it isn’t so……………….. THE FACTS OF LIFE!!! (que music).

Yes, he is at that age……..much to my chagrin,  and as much as I prefer to……………I know I must keep my head out of the sand and Mom up.  Oh……….and pay better attention to the papers coming home.

I got to school to pick him up…………….he was standing at the door with his teacher…………not a good sign……ever!  Guess the “Facts of Life” was about as big a hit as algebra.  My Johnny is a literal man.  You do not tell him one day to keep it all private and then the next expect him to remain calm when what he is to keep covered is now PLASTERED ALL OVER A POWER POINT.  From all reports not a pretty scene.  Can you blame him?  Guess it’s hard for all to focus when Johnny is bellowing what all the other boys are  thinking, “GET ME OUT OF HERE, I DON’T LIKE THIS, I’M UNCOMFORTABLE.”  

Teacher’s suggestion……………..modified Facts of Life………….wonder what that leaves out.

Walking to the car…………..Johnny trailing behind pleading, “I can’t take that class, I can’t talk about puberty, I’M NOT EVEN A TEENAGER!!!  Good point, Johnny, Good point…………………now, let’s go find some sand………….. I feel the need to bury my head.

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Fuzzy Math

Fuzzy Math…………. yeah that’s what it is

Thirty days have September, April, June and November.  Or something like that.  My confidence in my basics has been shaken.  I feel like going back to the doors of ol Cookson Elementary and demanding to speak to whoever deemed me proficient and punched my exit ticket.  Thus leading to about ten additional years of academia delusions.

You know…………the years when I would boast of all my success.  I was all like listen to me…………….I can add……………1+1 is 3, 2+2 is 5.  After that, I would really pull out the stops……………….Oh yeah, I can count………wait………….I can count to.  And when it came time to find x, I didn’t leave a stone unturned.  I knocked on every door to find that little bugger.  Turns out, x was off with y somewhere looking for an angle or something.  I never got the chance to shock the masses with these academic gifts.   Being so in awe of my math facts they left, possibly to go home and ponder the wonder of my abilities.

Weeeellllllllllll, at least that is what I am beginning to think happened…….

Dear reader, this, in fact, is what I must confess……….I failed to do “the math.”   Here I was tooting my horn, waving my blogging flag.  Believing this could be my moment, my month.   The month I amass “potentially” thousands of new readers.  You know how?  Well, like I have been saying all month………….”I am participating in NaBloPoMo, an event on Blogher in which I write THIRTY Posts in THIRTY DAYS!!!!”  Great idea, I’m in, what an AMAZING opportunity………………am I right?

I wasn’t too worried about this committment…………cause weekend were for FREE WRITING.  You know, I thought, I could really use those two days off to re-fresh my brain, renew my creativity, work on other projects……………….laundry perhaps.

So, off I go, writing like Hemingway.  Conquering the world of blogging, amassing readers by the day.  Then I notice something kind of funny……………the fine print.  Turns out it wasn’t weekends WRITING FREE……..DUUHHHHHHHHHH……………….FREE WRITING……………pick my topic (not my nose) that kind of thing.

I did think it was kind of funny.  Posting Day 20 with only a few days left in October.  But…………hey……………..I’ll just chalk it up to fuzzy math.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

And now, for my public plea……………….might be in need of a math tutor…………for The Brothers, of course.

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Image is Everything?

Who I “think” I am

“Image is Everything.”  Isn’t that right……………isn’t that what they say.  I don’t know, I’m like The Little Brother, I’m having  a good time in the world in my head.  Hey, what’s not to like.  Look at me.  I mean, I clearly have it going on.  Good taste, sophistication, and talent…………oh yes, let’s not forget talent.  Not to brag………… but I have been known to walk and chew gum at the same time.

What am I pondering today?  “How much thought do I put into my online image.”  The truth is……………well let me just give a little bit of my day and you can judge.

In interest of keeping up my image, I substitute teach.  I have no specialty, so to speakbut I generally stay below 6th grade.  Today, in the interest of my image, I was the Music Teacher.  And no, I have pretty much no music experience.  Well, that is, unless you count the unfortunate six years I spent playing the clarinet.

With no lesson plan to speak of, I, you might say, wong it!  I sang, and I’m NO SINGER.   Saints were crying when  they heard my rendition  of When the Saints go Marching In.  I mean there are some students whose hearing may never be right again.  No bucket, no tune, you might say.  And I danced.   I have moves like……………..weeellllll, like no one, actually.  See, I’m not much of a dancer either.  Never really graduated past standing on my Dad’s feet as he danced around (Now, HE was an excellent dancer).  Me……..not so much.

So…………………..as I reflected on my day and the thought I put into my image, online or otherwise, I was reminded of a saying.  “Don’t want to go through life with your skirt tucked into your pantyhose.”  Readers, I’m afraid I might have received these words of wisdom……………….just a bit late.

Actual Image?

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Got to Thinking

NaBloPoMo – Day 9

Thinking, thinking, thinking

Here I am…………Again………….still pondering.  Pondering……….my new fancy word for thinking.  All of this “pondering” of writing prompts and instrospection has led me to this conclusion…………….pondering your thinking is hard work and I need a break.  However, not being a quitter and all, I am determined to do my 30 posts in 30 days.

Today I am being prompted to contemplate at what point did I stop trying to look older and start trying to look younger, or something like that.  My response…………………I have NO idea.  I have been told I have a baby face but I don’t remember ever trying to give myself an air of sophistication.  On the other hand, now that I no longer have a baby face I don’t seem to be doing much to make it younger either.  Bigger fish to fry, as I like to say.

Enough of that.  What is on my mind today?  Thinking.  Seriously, that is what is on my mind.  Today, however, the thinking I am pondering, is that of The Brothers.  What I’m thinking is that I am concerned THEY DO NOT!!!!  Especially one Little Brother who shall remain nameless.

The Little Brother has a certain irrisitable factor about him.  Sadly, however, I believe the bloom is falling off the rose and my Little Guy is headed for hard times in the form of organizational charts.  Yes, I admit, it is a little like I am calling the kettle, black but HEY, do as I say”………….am I right?

Lest you think I am jumping to conclusions, I will share some of the weeks finer moments.  Unfortunately, for Little Brother, I occasionally sub in his classroom.  Yes, he loves when his worlds collide.  On days like this, I learn certain information such as, as of not even 2 full months of school, he has LOST two COMPLETE sets of school supplies.  HOW does this happen?  His response…………palm to face, that’s all he’s got.

At least I no longer have to wonder where all of his work papers are………………BECAUSE I found them……… ALL wadded up in the back of his desk.  WHAT IS THIS???  Same response…………….palm to face.

These and a few other events set me to googling how to organize this child.  My searching was interrupted by the doorbell.  It was the Little Brother, home from play practice.  Other parent informs me, I tried to help him tie his shoes but he LOST his shoe laces.  HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??  How does one LOSE their shoe laces?  Response…………palm to face, this time MINE!

Little Brother learned a new word in school this week, Metacognition.  He is to be thinking about his thinking.  The photo above……….that is from his hand out on metacognition.  How did I get it?  Did I find it in his desk?  NOOOO……”The Teacher” found it UNDER his desk.  Guess we know what the Little Brother thinks about thinking. Response…………….I got none.  NO palm to face, no yelling……just hung my head and thought, WHERE oh WHERE am I going to get those new shoelaces…………..and Teacher Gift, cause I think an apple is NOT going to cut it……..at least that’s what I’m  thinking.

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My Rear View

Weeelllll, WHAT a week!!  The Big Brother and Little Brother started school this week.  As much as I entertain myself recording their wisdom and antics for posterity sake, even I can’t expect anyone to want to read every detail.  Sooo…………. in the interest of brevity and keeping this a shorter read than War and Peace, I am trying to stick to the highlights.

Sooooo…….as I said school started this week for The Big Brother and The Little Brother.  How did that go, you may ask?   Weellllll, I am sharing the following photo with you…………………..YOU be the judge…………..

Ahhhhhh, School Days Memories

Even THEY outdid themselves with this one.  What did I say to provoke them……………”Go on the porch, please, I want to take a First Day picture.”  Seemed easy enough.  I’ve seen the pictures, other families take these type of photos and I don’t recall them having a violent theme.  Note the irony of their Parochial School uniforms.

The actual day at school seemed to be a success…………..weeeelllll, that’s according to The Big Brother.

Me – Sooooo, how was the FIRST DAY???

Big Brother – Good, the TEACHERS seemed to have a better attitude this year.

Yeah.  You’re right, the teachers will be beyond excited to hear of this GLOWING REPORT.  Cause I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my student with the need for an attitude adjustment.  He’s always a delight…………..just ask him.  Of course, you will need to be able to interpret his grunts.

The BIGGEST excitement was the NEW Grammar Teacher. *** The previous teacher retired (who can blame her) and the possibility of someone new and fun filled my son with HOPE.  This is what he had to say.  A direct quote is the only way………

“Mom, the new teacher is AWESOME.  She’s worked with kids before.”

Me – Oh yeah.  (Thinking, I hope she has).

“Yeah…………….. turns out she worked with mental kids.”  She was a PSYCHOTIC NURSE.  So, she really knows kids.”

Me – UUhhhh, I think you mean PSYCHIATRIC NURSE.

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

Moving on………..

Like I said, Big Brother is 13, and is desperately looking for more freedom.  (THAT, we have in common…….. me to).  In all of his 13 year old wisdom he asked for more freedom, in the morning,  before school.

Me – (Playing along) What did you have in mind?

“Well, I think I should be able to watch TV.”

Me – NO.

Gets better………..

“Well,  can I play video games then?”

Almost couldn’t get NO!!!!! out of my mouth fast enough.  And I usually don’t have a problem with that.

He seems bright enough.  Must be my attitude.  Cause that was a reasonable request.

I promised this would NOT be the GREAT AMERICAN novel so I will pick up the pace.

On the education front still……

Johnny has not started school yet, but alas, I have learned that last year was not a complete waste.  We made a run for some breakfast treats after dropping the brothers off.  Driving home, I was attempting to enjoy my fresh organic juice, when from the back of the van, comes the following educational epiphany,  courtesy of Nancy Reagan……….and Johnny.

Johnny – Hey, I thought you weren’t supposed to drink and drive.”

Me – Uuuhhhh, they mean alcohol and drugs, Johnny, you can drink orange juice and drive.

Johnny – Oh, okay.  No drugs though.

Me – Right, no drugs.

Johnny – Weelll, then you better not drink coffee when you drive cause that caffeine is a drug and might make YOU go all crazy.

Ooohhh Yeah, cause it’s the CAFFEINE that’s going to make me CRAZY.  Nothing else.

Finally………….from The Little Brother….

Taking a walk to Johnny’s new school……..

The Little Brother tells me that’s he can’t wait for High School………..

Little Brother – Mommy, I can’t wait for High School so I can take Chemistry and use test tubes and Chemicals!

Me – Oh yeah, that will be exciting.

Little Brother – Yeah, AND I’m tired of always having to do “SAFE SCIENCE.”

Readers…………..I will leave you with this………….words of wisdom from Johnny and The Little Brother,

“Don’t drink and drive and always, but always, Do SAFE SCIENCE.

Hope you enjoyed my week in REAR VIEW.  


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Reading, Writing………and History!

So……Johnny has been studying Colonial times and the Revolutionary War.  His mind is a steel trap when it comes to this.  Anything involving weapons, fighting, he’s in.  He also has his own tools to remember………fancy they are not…………….effecitve……… why yes.  For example, why didn’t America want to be ruled by the British King?  According to Johnny…………”Cause he was a BIG JERK!”  Now, I ask you, whatHISTORY SCHOLARis going to argue with Johnny about that.

Last week, Johnny got his test back on the Revolutionary War.      A PLUS………………That boy knew his stuff.

Flash forward TWO DAYS………………..bummer news……………he had to read an article on George Washington and answer about 5 questions.  Grade = Correct, have signed by your parents and return for a……….can hardly type it…………..C.  Well………in all fairness, I think Mommy was the only one bummed.  (It’s good to be Johnny, good tephlon coating on that boy).

Me:  Johnny, What happened here?

Johnny:  I don’t know, I think her teacher messed up and forgot the right answers.  (Students everywhere should pay him homage for this response)  Pointing to an incorrect answer, “George Washington DID help in the French and Indian War.”

Me:  Yes, BUT, the question was What TWO WARS did he fight in?


Me:  Johhny, THAT was ONE War!

Johnny:  (Getting really annoyed) NOOO!  IT WAS TWO, THE TEACHER WAS…………………WRONG!!!!!!!

Me (very calm):  It was TWO.

Johnny:  Yeah!  Well………Then they should have called it the FRENCH, SLASH, INDIAN WAR! (French/Indian).

Aaaahhhhhhh……….Perhaps my new title………….”History According to John.”

Coming soon……………..Johnny was just assigned a research paper.  Looooorrrddd and Tutor Help Me!  He chose Robert E. Lee.  Sooooo………..stand by People…………….The South MIGHT rise again……………Well………..That is, if Johnny has anything to say about it….

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